If there is anything in the universe that is comforting and amusing all at the same time: it's Cloud's obvious distress over this entire situation. In an attempt to keep himself awake, he fought through echoing pain and deliriousness by focusing on the blonde and his little actions. There's something of a small half smile that threatens to form on the corner of his lips. He's just so angry.
Anger is something Sephiroth knows all about.
So in a way it's almost entertaining to watch, mostly because he didn't do anything directly to cause his ire other than come hoping for an end to it all. Cloud for some reason refuses to do something so simple and is now very angry.
He'll at least give him the silence he asked for, just watching him leave and come back. Cat-like eyes peering at him the entire time.
The curing spell brings the most comfort. It's enough to alleviate some of the deeper pains and help his mind clear a little. Allows him more focus.
And then he sighs.
"If I say thank you will you jump into a rage? I assure you I did not come expecting ... this. I --" Ugh. Why is he even explaining himself? Why does he feel like he should? "... I felt that since you are the one who has suffered the most at the end of my hands, that it is only fitting that I find my end at yours. Even if this is not a true end like all the others, all our battles in the past. It still should always be you."
Cloud's probably going to tell him to shut up again, but he only has himself to blame for helping Sephiroth get to a point where he can talk more.
Honestly, yeah, he should have seen that coming. Give Sephiroth a chance to run his big mouth, and of course he will. And none if it is anything Cloud wants to hear. He doesn't need to be told that Sephiroth didn't come expecting any mercy from him, although quite honestly, in this case, he can't really blame him for feeling (feeling? Sephiroth feels things?) as though he needs to explain. It's not the normal thing to do, is it? To heal your most hated enemy. Why should he give Sephiroth the strength to speak, let alone walk, lift his sword, light fires, kill people? It almost feels as if he's betraying everything and everyone he holds dear by not doing what he should, what he was asked to do, and cutting him down.
But it also feels like it would be a betrayal to raise his sword high and strike down someone on their knees, defenseless. It doesn't matter if he's asking for it. It doesn't matter if that's what he wants. He'll justify it as not wanting to give Sephiroth the pleasure if that's what he has to do. Whatever makes it right with himself. Would his friends disagree with his decision, if they were here? He's not sure he can answer that.
"If I cut you down in that state, I'd be no better than you are. I'm not interested in being a monster," Cloud says curtly. And then, with his shoulders slumping a little in resignation, he adds, "Don't thank me, either. I just..."
Ah, now here he is, doing the same thing. Trying to explain himself. They're really a pair, aren't they? Cloud shakes his head, frowning. Lowers his raised arm, noting that he's still going to need to patch him up. He's still bleeding everywhere. This still isn't a humane state to leave him in.
"...Should I bother dressing your injuries, or are you going to draw on me now?"
Ah yes, he is a monster. As much as he's accountable, he still holds the world partially to blame. The experiments run, the lies told ... Though Cloud was also in their clutches and its a wonder he did not turn out for the worse. In a way, Sephiroth supposes that is part of what makes them opposites.
At the question, he almost smirks ... or laugh, actually it's almost both. Since that is probably what the both of them expect to happen. Instead he simply sighs with a shake of his head.
"I have no reason to. My scorn lies elsewhere and not towards you." He's not sure why he just admitted to that, but it is the truth.
He's tired, but still fueled but a deep rage that is going very much unsatisfied, but there's not much he can do about it. Go after the rest of the Turks? Possibly. That depends on what they do. Right now his rage is just going to fester and boil, probably given away by the look in his eyes. But it moat certainly is not directed at Cloud.
"That's a first," he remarks flatly. Alright, so maybe Sephiroth hasn't only just targeted him, but typically... yeah. Whether it was the incident at the Reactor or that showdown in the Crater, it doesn't matter. Sephiroth's marked him not for death, but for suffering. He'll never escape it. Still, to see that look of simmering hatred register for anyone but him, that's... he doesn't know if he should be impressed, concerned, or what. Given the state that Sephiroth is in, though—
Whatever, in a minute. "Just—Take your shirt off." The and shut up about it is implied; he feels like if he remarks on anything untoward regarding this request that Sephiroth will take it as an opportunity to say god only knows what, and he just does not want to deal with that. He really doesn't. He really, really doesn't. After issuing this command, Cloud turns and leaves the room again to fetch his first aid kit. It isn't much, but he's got the basics and a few emergency hi-potions, and that should be enough to at least give Sephiroth some comfort to rest.
Not that he doesn't still feel fucking torn up inside about offering Sephiroth anything resembling comfort.
He quirks a brow at the order, watching as Cloud walks away, but he makes no comment otherwise. Though its uncertain if he caught the implied meaning or simply had nothing to add. He's not even sure why. Exhaustion? Something else? Who knows at this point. Either way he doesn't want to think about it.
It's all so absurd. This moment. Him and his sworn enemy, yet somehow one of the few he felt he could turn to. What does that make any of this?
By the time Clould returns, he'd have taken off the outer black garment, revealing his bare chest and the rest of Tseng's handiwork. Having sat up at his point, he didn't watch the blonde come back in. He held his head in hand as though that would somehow help him gather his lost thoughts.
He did hear the food steps which is why ...
"Zack was there too, at first. We were both struck ... tranquilizers of some sort, but ... I was the target. He is most likely fine. He was not where I was taken," he says realizing he might set Cloud off. But he needs to know Zack was involved and while frantically trying to find him most likely is probably fine.
It is. It is absurd. Cloud looks so wholly unamused and unimpressed when he walks back in with his first aid kit, having checked it over to make sure everything is in it, but it all fades at the state Sephiroth is in without his shirt to hide any of it. That cure spell did something, he assumes? But that's... this is... it's hard to make him squeamish, and he isn't, exactly, but whatever Tseng did to him is truly sickening. Gruesome. Torture for torture's sake, obviously meant to inflict pain and humiliate and holy fuck, he's not really sure he wants to know what in the crying hell Sephiroth did to provoke this.
He simply sets to work in silence, brows drawn together unhappily. Wets a clean rag and starts with wiping the excess of blood away so he can get a better idea of what needs bandaged, stitched, cleaned... this will take awhile. Sullen, he cleans with short strokes of the cloth, stopping to find a clean corner every so often. He's not particularly gentle, but that might be because he doesn't know his own strength and can't help it. But then again, he's not trying to be, either. Just keeps his eyes on his work and his lips pursed.
His head snaps up at his story, though, because of course it does. Zack was there?! And— oh, fucking hell. "What the hell do you mean most likely fine?! How could you let something happen to him?!"
As if it's Sephiroth's job to protect him? No, that's not how he meant to say it. But that's what winds up coming out.
Sephiroth reacts very little to Cloud's movements over his skin, harsh or not. He's still mentally rather numb from everything inflicted upon him. This pain? Is really nothing in comparison. He mostly watches the blond's hands work with mild fascination.
When Cloud verbally lashes out, however, he does look up and over. He expected that. The moment the words escaped his lips, he knew it would blow up. But at least he didn't jump on Sephiroth and start strangling him for it.
"I am no longer connected to the lifestream, I cannot tell. I can vaguely sense him, but that link is not as strong as ours," mean his connection with Cloud. "The shot hit me first, and then Zack. Otherwise --"
Otherwise what? He would have saved Zack? That's an odd thought, but that is the first place his mind went. He's not a hero he's someone who desperately wanted to destroy the whole planet. Make everyone suffer. The hero everyone looked up to was nothing more than a lie sculpted by Shinra. Right? That is --
Continuing, he sidesteps his previous thought, "I simply doubt they would go after him for vengeance when he has done nothing. I'm the one they're after."
Cloud's eyes narrow not just suspiciously, but angrily. This is a whole lot of not very inspiring shit to say to someone whose immediate, pressing concern is whether Zack is okay. His eyes widen at and then Zack, as if the fact that Sephiroth was shot at means absolutely nothing to him (it's not an issue at this time), lip curling, getting ready to haul off and say something, but then...
Then...
He calms down again. Sort of. Calm isn't the word that applies here, but he doesn't look like he's about to punch Sephiroth in the face anymore, either, so... there's that? He just scowls and looks back down at what he's doing, his blood boiling. Rubs at the blood dried on Sephiroth's skin even harder, less gently, nostrils flaring. "What the hell did you do to get on their bad side?" he finally asks. "You're really not stupid enough to fuck with the Turks for no good reason, are you? They dont know when to quit."
Not that Sephiroth can't handle them. Cloud can handle them, too. But they're difficult, a nuisance at best and a real danger at worst, and it's better just to leave that hive of wasps alone. He learned that a long time ago.
Cloud's clear and obvious anger is not about to dissipate any time soon after Sephiroth gives an explanation. Which is why his eyes revert back to tracking the movement of hands against his skin and not watching him directly. As though he's stalling the inevitable.
Which is not to say he's afraid of Cloud. Far from it, but this is probably going to erupt into another ... well, not fight but. The blond isn't going to be happy. Even if he's already very, very unhappy. Angry. A lot of different emotions. Something Sephiroth can certainly relate, especially now.
Reaching with forward, he pushes Cloud's hands away for a moment and tries to move so that he's sitting up. Not the best idea, but the last few days have been filled with such things. What's one more?
"I killed Reno. Tseng was after revenge," he says simply as though it were that simple. But Cloud probably won't accept it. So: "Reno wouldn't walk away. I gave him a chance to leave. He did not take it. He struck me. I ended it."
Uh, did he say you could move? Cloud slaps Sephiroth's hands away when he dares to touch them and shoves him roughly right back down on the bed by his shoulder. Don't like it? Too fucking bad. He's the one taking care of your sorry ass, so you'll just have to get over it.
His eyes widen at his answer, though, and he forgets about being gruff in favor of staring with the rag held uselessly in his hands. Killed Reno? Reno of the Turks? Annoying but otherwise harmless, wants to make amends, trying to repent Reno? (No. Different Reno. A Reno from much earlier on, who doesn't know shit about repentance anymore, and after what's happened to him, probably isn't going to learn.) Cloud... doesn't know how to feel about that. They aren't friends, but he hardly doubts he'd done anything deserving of being murdered by Sephiroth of all people. It's not quite anger, or sadness, but—maybe pity. Disappointment. And revulsion that in spite of hearing this, he's still helping this son of a bitch.
In the end, he scowls and presses the rag back to Sephiroth's chest. Basically hits him with it, dragging it down lower without caring whether it's uncomfortable or painful. "You got what you deserved, then. Asshole." Ugh, why is he still helping him? He dumps more alcohol onto the cloth and accidentally lets it slosh all over Sephiroth as he's putting the cap back on. A little alcohol sting is really nothing, but it brings him some petty comfort, at least. For Reno.
Sephiroth expected one of these things to happen -- namely Cloud being annoyed over Reno's death. He figured that would be the case. However, being pushed around by the blond is not something that even remotely crossed his mind in the past. His thoughts flash to the series of rather absurd events that brought him to this point.
What brought him back to related was the uh, rather rough shift in treatment. He jerks slightly before he even has time to think about.
"Yes," was all he manages to say in response. Because what other answer can he give? He was a raging ball of hate, slightly confused by everything going on and Reno just happened to he thr unfortunately soul to push the wrong buttons.
Zack was almost the second, but that ended differently and Sephiroth is still not sure why.
After a few seconds of staring off, his eyes snap back to Cloud. He grabs his wrist and just holds it. This action is not going to make the blond happy and he realizes it. So be it.
No, indeed it does not make him happy. Cloud's scowl goes a little harsher when Sephiroth catches his wrist. He grits his teeth and tosses the rag down on Sephiroth's chest so he can grab hold of the wrist holding his and wrench his grasp off of him. "I should just let you suffer," is what he answers with, and that is in fact not an answer to the question at all. He knows it. He knows Sephiroth will know it, too. But he doesn't know what to say, in truth. It was one thing to bring him inside and pull him back from the brink of death, but he could have just as easily told Sephiroth to clean his own goddamn wounds and take care of his own goddamn self. He's sure he's capable of it. And if not, so what? Why is it his problem? Why does he—care?
Ugh.
He pins Sephiroth's arm back down and holds it there, which unfortunately means leaning closer, his face above the other man's, their gazes left with nowhere to go but straight into each other's eyes. It's not really anything earthshattering. Cloud's had to stare into those freaky cat eyes more times than he cares to count. "Is that what you want? You want me to punish you?"
"No," he responds not once taking his eyes off Cloud's. He came here for death, originally at least. Mostly to deny it to Tseng. And because it should be Cloud. It should always be him if it is to happen.
But he did not wish for suffering, though he supposes in a way that's been his constant state of being. Why he despised the entire world. Cloud denied him his goal multiple times and thats why he hated him.
Hated? No. Hates. Right? Though right now he's not sure what he feels because as much as he wants to grasp onto that emotion and hold it so very tight ... It's just not there. In a way, he blames Zack. In another way he blames Tseng who managed to take away his control and leave him powerless.
And that feeling is what he hates most of all.
Which is ironic considering Cloud is pinning his arm down, but somehow this is different. Perhaps because they have always been so closely connected to one another.
"I want—" What? What the hell does he want? Cloud is clearly struggling with an answer. He blurts out the first, easiest thing that comes to mind. "I want to be left the hell alone. I want peace. I want you to get a life, if you're not just going to fuck off and die."
None of that is untrue, but it's also bullshit. It's dodging the question again in an entirely different way. Sure, those are things he wants, but they're not what he wants specific to right here and right now. Specific to Sephiroth showing up on his doorstep beat to hell and looking to be put down, or... not. Specific to bringing him into the house, healing him, tending his wounds. What does he want out of this exchange, what does he expect? Cloud can't even begin to know, and he's frustrated with himself. For not knowing, for not being able to commit to one impulse or another. He's stuck between his anger and his mercy and it's so difficult to come out cleanly on the other side with Sephiroth staring him down like that, talking to him, laying on his bed bleeding all over everything. Cloud holds his gaze as long as he can, but naturally he's the first one to break and look away, letting up off of him and aggressively returning to his stupid cloth just to give himself something else to do with his hands.
To break the tension, obviously. After a moment, he murmurs out another answer just as it comes to him.
Were their situations reversed, Sephiroth can't say he wouldn't feel the same. In general before everything went down, he both wanted to be left alone and didn't. An outcast with friends and a following. Someone who never really knew his true place in the world.
Though even after discovering the truth, he's not sure he ever found the answer he's always been looking for. That's probably why his goals keep changing. Everytime he thinks he's got a grasp on who he is, somehow it all comes crumbling down.
Now who is he? Cloud's eternal rival? At this point what else is even left?
He says nothing as Cloud breaks away, going back to work on his wounds. His eyes do follow the rhythmic fashion of the movements.
However when the next answer comes, his eyes blink away towards Cloud himself, but only for a very brief moment.
Cloud doesn't quite catch how Sephiroth looks away, but he can sort of... sense it. That moment of hesitation. It makes him feel self-conscious, and the question moreso. Not that he intends to, exactly, but his hands gentle where they work, dabbing at a particularly nasty wound gouged into Sephiroth's skin. Guess it's fitting that he'd be accused of doing the right thing and go soft at the same time, but he's just... it's a harsh injury, okay? And maybe he—feels bad.
Maybe he just feels bad for himself. Or for the Turks. Or, yeah, maybe for Sephiroth. For showing up here and things winding up this way, instead. "Is it?" he asks, and sounds like he genuinely doesn't know. Uncomfortable and unsure. Whatever the hell he's done, whether it was right or not, never really seemed to make much of a difference. Yeah, he stopped Sephiroth. Multiple times. That was the right thing, objectively. But it has yet to really make him feel better about much.
"In war, it is difficult to tell which is right and which is wrong. One action, saving a life, while objectively right many others to die in return. So which is the right thing? Saving more people is the logical choice, but condemning another to death is in itself wrong.. And that's life where there are no easy choices. Logically ..." He finally turns to look back over at Cloud and gestures towards his head.
"Your mind will tell you one thing, while ..." His hand moves down making a motion towards Cloud's chest. "Another."
Looking away again, to stare off at nothing in particular he finally adds, "ultimately you have to decide which is more important. No one else can decide that for you."
He's not sure where those words came from or why it made him think of his past. When he was a general and hero. Maybe they were always there and he just never held this kind of conversation with anyone before. With Cloud before.
His hands still again partway through Sephiroth's words, coming to a slow stop until they're simply resting in place on his chest. "That's..." Actually kind of solid advice. God, he must be going crazy if he's letting himself listen to anything Sephiroth has to say to him, no matter how sound the logic is. It's downright sensible. It's good advice, even. There was a time in both their lives when he would've expected that kind of talk from him. He used to be so impressed with how level-headed he was, how sure of himself he seemed, how he didn't let anything get in his way. That all changed forever after Nibelheim. There's no going back to that naive time. Nothing is changing that.
But... still. Cloud frowns in a different sort of way, soft, too muddled to really count as the same sort of consternation he's been experiencing since Sephiroth got here. "That sounded downright human. Most sensible thing I've ever heard you say."
"Strange, isn't it?" He says, glancing off at look at nothing in particular. He's not human though. A god? An alien hybrid? The lines felt so blurred right now. He barely knew himself before and now he feels even that slipping away.
And it'd odd to think that the two of them would ever end up in a situation without all the vitriol. All the hate thats plagued them both for so long. But here they are right now now in this very moment. As strange and absurd as this moment can be.
"But both you and I know what I really am, hm?" He adds after almost allowing the air still into silence. Which felt like it'd be more awkward than it already is. Though he isn't sure if he should say anything else or just let Cloud go back to work in peace. He decides on the latter, at least for now.
Yeah, it is strange, and yeah, he does know what Sephiroth is. A murderer, a monster, and a menace. And also... a victim of Shinra's twisted evil, just like him. Loath as he is to relate, it doesn't make it any less true. That doesn't make it okay. It never did. He's a monster and he never tortured anyone, destroyed their home, killed their family. Zack never did. Others just like them never did. Nobody's hands are clean, but Sephiroth... he doesn't get a pass. Even if he is hurt. He deserves to be hurt, honestly.
Cloud decides to just, for the sake of his sanity, tell himself that it isn't his call. He's only working with what he has in front of him. It's not the path of least resistance by a long shot, but that must mean it's the right thing, right? Sure. Yeah.
He finishes cleaning up as well as he can and sets the rag and alcohol aside. The bandaging... it's going to have to go all the way around. Those wounds need wrapped tight to stymie the bleeding. Sighing, he says, "Now you can sit up," and rather than wait for him to struggle and do it himself, he simply grabs Sephiroth by his arm and hauls him up easy as you please. One hand on his back while he unrolls the bandages with his teeth and his free hand so he can start to wrap them around.
Sephiroth wonders how he got to this point in life where he's being ordered and pushed around by Cloud. How exactly did his life become this? Right now there's no point in putting up much resistance, but still.
"Did you know before that fateful time," Cloud knows which moment he's talking about so he shouldn't have to be more specific, "that I planned on abandoning Shinra after the mission. That was before I learned about what they did."
Cloud probably doesn't care, but he almost forgot about that moment so it is important that he reminds himself. Even if he's no longer that person, even if he still hates the world, those moments are still important and created him as a person.
But before the blond can step in and say just how much he does not care, he adds, "there were others like me. And like you. Though not so fortunate. Their bodies broke down. One was Zack's mentor and where he received the sword you ultimately used against me."
You're right, Sephiroth, he doesn't care. Or—well, alright. He's interested, but he doesn't know what the point of hearing about this is. It won't change anything to know what Sephiroth was going to do; the fact is that he didn't. Instead of abandoning Shinra and doing, presumably, the right thing, he did—all this other terrible shit instead. And he justifies it by blaming everyone but himself. Quite frankly, Cloud would call him weak to his face if he wasn't at least somewhat trying to keep the peace. He just focuses on his work, wending the roll of bandages around and around Sephiroth's body, tearing a piece off and clipping it, then starting on the next one. It helps to have something to do with his hands to focus on. He does look up, clearly listening, though.
That subdued interest is a little less subdued at the mention of Zack, naturally. It's really not hard to guess how to get his attention on any other average day, but he's especially vulnerable to it now. What question does he want to ask here to keep Sephiroth talking? he thinks to himself, and then immediately afterward has to marvel at the very idea that he wants Sephiroth to keep talking. He has literally never wanted that before. What the hell is going on in this world anymore?
"... What was he like?" he asks, eventually. With interest.
"... Zack?" He glances at Cloud, and has to pause to conjure up pieces of memories mostly scattered and lost. But the conversations were there. Events. Even if he can no longer fully invision those times as they were like a picture faded over time and not a movie he can full recall ... he still remembers enough to answer the question.
"Reckless. Impulsive. Would jump into any situation without fully considering the consequences," which almost sounds like hes just criticizing, "... But he never let his beliefs waver. Even in the face of orders.. That is why when I was assigned to go after them, I refused so Zack was given the mission instead."
He gives a light shrug, but that movement isn't the best idea considering Cloud is bandaging him ... and well his wounds in general. As if he shifts around too much he might make things worse.
He is a little surprised Cloud woukd actually ask. Sure it's natural he'd like to know more, and other than directly talking to the person ... Sephiroth is probably one of the best sources.
It does sound like he's criticizing, but it also... sounds fond. Maybe not quite in his tone, but Cloud gets the odd sense that these things wouldn't be worth mentioning to Sephiroth if they didn't matter. That—yeah, he doesn't really like where that train of thought is going, exactly, and the frown on his face clearly says as much. All that frowning and pouting ain't shit compared to how curiously he looks at Sephiroth, though. It's a lot to unpack. And it makes him wonder... how much else is there in that head of his that isn't all madness? Up until now, he'd simply assumed the answer was nothing. Nothing but destruction, chaos, and domination. And bothering the hell out of him. Bringing this world to its knees at any cost seemed like the only thing Sephiroth was capable of thinking of, but lately...
Ugh, it bothers him so much to even give this a second thought. Who cares. He's a murderer. But at least it keeps them both distracted while he has to deal with the awkward task of basically fucking hugging the guy as he wraps his arms back and around his body over and over to bandage him up. He bites off another piece of the tape, clips it together so it'll hold, and starts on the next spot, lower this time.
"...Tell me about them," he says, imitating but not necessarily outright mocking the emphasis Sephiroth had put on it. "Zack's mentor? And who else?"
So Cloud is going to venture down this path. One Sephiroth does not care to venture. Zack also brought it up before. And kept pressing about it.
Sephiroth can only sigh. At least it is a distraction, he'll admit to that much.
"Angeal was Zack's mentor and perhaps the only reason Genesis and I did not kill each other on a daily basis. The two of them were friends before entering SOLDIER. Angeal was rather calm and Genesis theatrical and I don't if either overly desperate for my attention or simply wanted to be me."
He pauses, casting his head down to glance at Cloud.
"Genesis and Angeal ultimately both turned on Shinra after discovering what happened to them. Unlike us their bodies were degrading ... decaying as a result."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Anger is something Sephiroth knows all about.
So in a way it's almost entertaining to watch, mostly because he didn't do anything directly to cause his ire other than come hoping for an end to it all. Cloud for some reason refuses to do something so simple and is now very angry.
He'll at least give him the silence he asked for, just watching him leave and come back. Cat-like eyes peering at him the entire time.
The curing spell brings the most comfort. It's enough to alleviate some of the deeper pains and help his mind clear a little. Allows him more focus.
And then he sighs.
"If I say thank you will you jump into a rage? I assure you I did not come expecting ... this. I --" Ugh. Why is he even explaining himself? Why does he feel like he should? "... I felt that since you are the one who has suffered the most at the end of my hands, that it is only fitting that I find my end at yours. Even if this is not a true end like all the others, all our battles in the past. It still should always be you."
Cloud's probably going to tell him to shut up again, but he only has himself to blame for helping Sephiroth get to a point where he can talk more.
no subject
But it also feels like it would be a betrayal to raise his sword high and strike down someone on their knees, defenseless. It doesn't matter if he's asking for it. It doesn't matter if that's what he wants. He'll justify it as not wanting to give Sephiroth the pleasure if that's what he has to do. Whatever makes it right with himself. Would his friends disagree with his decision, if they were here? He's not sure he can answer that.
"If I cut you down in that state, I'd be no better than you are. I'm not interested in being a monster," Cloud says curtly. And then, with his shoulders slumping a little in resignation, he adds, "Don't thank me, either. I just..."
Ah, now here he is, doing the same thing. Trying to explain himself. They're really a pair, aren't they? Cloud shakes his head, frowning. Lowers his raised arm, noting that he's still going to need to patch him up. He's still bleeding everywhere. This still isn't a humane state to leave him in.
"...Should I bother dressing your injuries, or are you going to draw on me now?"
no subject
At the question, he almost smirks ... or laugh, actually it's almost both. Since that is probably what the both of them expect to happen. Instead he simply sighs with a shake of his head.
"I have no reason to. My scorn lies elsewhere and not towards you." He's not sure why he just admitted to that, but it is the truth.
He's tired, but still fueled but a deep rage that is going very much unsatisfied, but there's not much he can do about it. Go after the rest of the Turks? Possibly. That depends on what they do. Right now his rage is just going to fester and boil, probably given away by the look in his eyes. But it moat certainly is not directed at Cloud.
no subject
Whatever, in a minute. "Just—Take your shirt off." The and shut up about it is implied; he feels like if he remarks on anything untoward regarding this request that Sephiroth will take it as an opportunity to say god only knows what, and he just does not want to deal with that. He really doesn't. He really, really doesn't. After issuing this command, Cloud turns and leaves the room again to fetch his first aid kit. It isn't much, but he's got the basics and a few emergency hi-potions, and that should be enough to at least give Sephiroth some comfort to rest.
Not that he doesn't still feel fucking torn up inside about offering Sephiroth anything resembling comfort.
no subject
It's all so absurd. This moment. Him and his sworn enemy, yet somehow one of the few he felt he could turn to. What does that make any of this?
By the time Clould returns, he'd have taken off the outer black garment, revealing his bare chest and the rest of Tseng's handiwork. Having sat up at his point, he didn't watch the blonde come back in. He held his head in hand as though that would somehow help him gather his lost thoughts.
He did hear the food steps which is why ...
"Zack was there too, at first. We were both struck ... tranquilizers of some sort, but ... I was the target. He is most likely fine. He was not where I was taken," he says realizing he might set Cloud off. But he needs to know Zack was involved and while frantically trying to find him most likely is probably fine.
no subject
He simply sets to work in silence, brows drawn together unhappily. Wets a clean rag and starts with wiping the excess of blood away so he can get a better idea of what needs bandaged, stitched, cleaned... this will take awhile. Sullen, he cleans with short strokes of the cloth, stopping to find a clean corner every so often. He's not particularly gentle, but that might be because he doesn't know his own strength and can't help it. But then again, he's not trying to be, either. Just keeps his eyes on his work and his lips pursed.
His head snaps up at his story, though, because of course it does. Zack was there?! And— oh, fucking hell. "What the hell do you mean most likely fine?! How could you let something happen to him?!"
As if it's Sephiroth's job to protect him? No, that's not how he meant to say it. But that's what winds up coming out.
no subject
When Cloud verbally lashes out, however, he does look up and over. He expected that. The moment the words escaped his lips, he knew it would blow up. But at least he didn't jump on Sephiroth and start strangling him for it.
"I am no longer connected to the lifestream, I cannot tell. I can vaguely sense him, but that link is not as strong as ours," mean his connection with Cloud. "The shot hit me first, and then Zack. Otherwise --"
Otherwise what? He would have saved Zack? That's an odd thought, but that is the first place his mind went. He's not a hero he's someone who desperately wanted to destroy the whole planet. Make everyone suffer. The hero everyone looked up to was nothing more than a lie sculpted by Shinra. Right? That is --
Continuing, he sidesteps his previous thought, "I simply doubt they would go after him for vengeance when he has done nothing. I'm the one they're after."
no subject
Then...
He calms down again. Sort of. Calm isn't the word that applies here, but he doesn't look like he's about to punch Sephiroth in the face anymore, either, so... there's that? He just scowls and looks back down at what he's doing, his blood boiling. Rubs at the blood dried on Sephiroth's skin even harder, less gently, nostrils flaring. "What the hell did you do to get on their bad side?" he finally asks. "You're really not stupid enough to fuck with the Turks for no good reason, are you? They dont know when to quit."
Not that Sephiroth can't handle them. Cloud can handle them, too. But they're difficult, a nuisance at best and a real danger at worst, and it's better just to leave that hive of wasps alone. He learned that a long time ago.
no subject
Which is not to say he's afraid of Cloud. Far from it, but this is probably going to erupt into another ... well, not fight but. The blond isn't going to be happy. Even if he's already very, very unhappy. Angry. A lot of different emotions. Something Sephiroth can certainly relate, especially now.
Reaching with forward, he pushes Cloud's hands away for a moment and tries to move so that he's sitting up. Not the best idea, but the last few days have been filled with such things. What's one more?
"I killed Reno. Tseng was after revenge," he says simply as though it were that simple. But Cloud probably won't accept it. So: "Reno wouldn't walk away. I gave him a chance to leave. He did not take it. He struck me. I ended it."
no subject
His eyes widen at his answer, though, and he forgets about being gruff in favor of staring with the rag held uselessly in his hands. Killed Reno? Reno of the Turks? Annoying but otherwise harmless, wants to make amends, trying to repent Reno? (No. Different Reno. A Reno from much earlier on, who doesn't know shit about repentance anymore, and after what's happened to him, probably isn't going to learn.) Cloud... doesn't know how to feel about that. They aren't friends, but he hardly doubts he'd done anything deserving of being murdered by Sephiroth of all people. It's not quite anger, or sadness, but—maybe pity. Disappointment. And revulsion that in spite of hearing this, he's still helping this son of a bitch.
In the end, he scowls and presses the rag back to Sephiroth's chest. Basically hits him with it, dragging it down lower without caring whether it's uncomfortable or painful. "You got what you deserved, then. Asshole." Ugh, why is he still helping him? He dumps more alcohol onto the cloth and accidentally lets it slosh all over Sephiroth as he's putting the cap back on. A little alcohol sting is really nothing, but it brings him some petty comfort, at least. For Reno.
no subject
What brought him back to related was the uh, rather rough shift in treatment. He jerks slightly before he even has time to think about.
"Yes," was all he manages to say in response. Because what other answer can he give? He was a raging ball of hate, slightly confused by everything going on and Reno just happened to he thr unfortunately soul to push the wrong buttons.
Zack was almost the second, but that ended differently and Sephiroth is still not sure why.
After a few seconds of staring off, his eyes snap back to Cloud. He grabs his wrist and just holds it. This action is not going to make the blond happy and he realizes it. So be it.
"So why not just let me suffer?"
no subject
Ugh.
He pins Sephiroth's arm back down and holds it there, which unfortunately means leaning closer, his face above the other man's, their gazes left with nowhere to go but straight into each other's eyes. It's not really anything earthshattering. Cloud's had to stare into those freaky cat eyes more times than he cares to count. "Is that what you want? You want me to punish you?"
no subject
But he did not wish for suffering, though he supposes in a way that's been his constant state of being. Why he despised the entire world. Cloud denied him his goal multiple times and thats why he hated him.
Hated? No. Hates. Right? Though right now he's not sure what he feels because as much as he wants to grasp onto that emotion and hold it so very tight ... It's just not there. In a way, he blames Zack. In another way he blames Tseng who managed to take away his control and leave him powerless.
And that feeling is what he hates most of all.
Which is ironic considering Cloud is pinning his arm down, but somehow this is different. Perhaps because they have always been so closely connected to one another.
"I want to know what you want."
no subject
None of that is untrue, but it's also bullshit. It's dodging the question again in an entirely different way. Sure, those are things he wants, but they're not what he wants specific to right here and right now. Specific to Sephiroth showing up on his doorstep beat to hell and looking to be put down, or... not. Specific to bringing him into the house, healing him, tending his wounds. What does he want out of this exchange, what does he expect? Cloud can't even begin to know, and he's frustrated with himself. For not knowing, for not being able to commit to one impulse or another. He's stuck between his anger and his mercy and it's so difficult to come out cleanly on the other side with Sephiroth staring him down like that, talking to him, laying on his bed bleeding all over everything. Cloud holds his gaze as long as he can, but naturally he's the first one to break and look away, letting up off of him and aggressively returning to his stupid cloth just to give himself something else to do with his hands.
To break the tension, obviously. After a moment, he murmurs out another answer just as it comes to him.
"I want to do the right thing."
no subject
Though even after discovering the truth, he's not sure he ever found the answer he's always been looking for. That's probably why his goals keep changing. Everytime he thinks he's got a grasp on who he is, somehow it all comes crumbling down.
Now who is he? Cloud's eternal rival? At this point what else is even left?
He says nothing as Cloud breaks away, going back to work on his wounds. His eyes do follow the rhythmic fashion of the movements.
However when the next answer comes, his eyes blink away towards Cloud himself, but only for a very brief moment.
"Is that not what you've always done?"
no subject
Maybe he just feels bad for himself. Or for the Turks. Or, yeah, maybe for Sephiroth. For showing up here and things winding up this way, instead. "Is it?" he asks, and sounds like he genuinely doesn't know. Uncomfortable and unsure. Whatever the hell he's done, whether it was right or not, never really seemed to make much of a difference. Yeah, he stopped Sephiroth. Multiple times. That was the right thing, objectively. But it has yet to really make him feel better about much.
"I can't decide if this is the right thing."
no subject
"Your mind will tell you one thing, while ..." His hand moves down making a motion towards Cloud's chest. "Another."
Looking away again, to stare off at nothing in particular he finally adds, "ultimately you have to decide which is more important. No one else can decide that for you."
He's not sure where those words came from or why it made him think of his past. When he was a general and hero. Maybe they were always there and he just never held this kind of conversation with anyone before. With Cloud before.
no subject
But... still. Cloud frowns in a different sort of way, soft, too muddled to really count as the same sort of consternation he's been experiencing since Sephiroth got here. "That sounded downright human. Most sensible thing I've ever heard you say."
no subject
And it'd odd to think that the two of them would ever end up in a situation without all the vitriol. All the hate thats plagued them both for so long. But here they are right now now in this very moment. As strange and absurd as this moment can be.
"But both you and I know what I really am, hm?" He adds after almost allowing the air still into silence. Which felt like it'd be more awkward than it already is. Though he isn't sure if he should say anything else or just let Cloud go back to work in peace. He decides on the latter, at least for now.
no subject
Yeah, it is strange, and yeah, he does know what Sephiroth is. A murderer, a monster, and a menace. And also... a victim of Shinra's twisted evil, just like him. Loath as he is to relate, it doesn't make it any less true. That doesn't make it okay. It never did. He's a monster and he never tortured anyone, destroyed their home, killed their family. Zack never did. Others just like them never did. Nobody's hands are clean, but Sephiroth... he doesn't get a pass. Even if he is hurt. He deserves to be hurt, honestly.
Cloud decides to just, for the sake of his sanity, tell himself that it isn't his call. He's only working with what he has in front of him. It's not the path of least resistance by a long shot, but that must mean it's the right thing, right? Sure. Yeah.
He finishes cleaning up as well as he can and sets the rag and alcohol aside. The bandaging... it's going to have to go all the way around. Those wounds need wrapped tight to stymie the bleeding. Sighing, he says, "Now you can sit up," and rather than wait for him to struggle and do it himself, he simply grabs Sephiroth by his arm and hauls him up easy as you please. One hand on his back while he unrolls the bandages with his teeth and his free hand so he can start to wrap them around.
no subject
"Did you know before that fateful time," Cloud knows which moment he's talking about so he shouldn't have to be more specific, "that I planned on abandoning Shinra after the mission. That was before I learned about what they did."
Cloud probably doesn't care, but he almost forgot about that moment so it is important that he reminds himself. Even if he's no longer that person, even if he still hates the world, those moments are still important and created him as a person.
But before the blond can step in and say just how much he does not care, he adds, "there were others like me. And like you. Though not so fortunate. Their bodies broke down. One was Zack's mentor and where he received the sword you ultimately used against me."
no subject
That subdued interest is a little less subdued at the mention of Zack, naturally. It's really not hard to guess how to get his attention on any other average day, but he's especially vulnerable to it now. What question does he want to ask here to keep Sephiroth talking? he thinks to himself, and then immediately afterward has to marvel at the very idea that he wants Sephiroth to keep talking. He has literally never wanted that before. What the hell is going on in this world anymore?
"... What was he like?" he asks, eventually. With interest.
no subject
"Reckless. Impulsive. Would jump into any situation without fully considering the consequences," which almost sounds like hes just criticizing, "... But he never let his beliefs waver. Even in the face of orders.. That is why when I was assigned to go after them, I refused so Zack was given the mission instead."
He gives a light shrug, but that movement isn't the best idea considering Cloud is bandaging him ... and well his wounds in general. As if he shifts around too much he might make things worse.
He is a little surprised Cloud woukd actually ask. Sure it's natural he'd like to know more, and other than directly talking to the person ... Sephiroth is probably one of the best sources.
no subject
Ugh, it bothers him so much to even give this a second thought. Who cares. He's a murderer. But at least it keeps them both distracted while he has to deal with the awkward task of basically fucking hugging the guy as he wraps his arms back and around his body over and over to bandage him up. He bites off another piece of the tape, clips it together so it'll hold, and starts on the next spot, lower this time.
"...Tell me about them," he says, imitating but not necessarily outright mocking the emphasis Sephiroth had put on it. "Zack's mentor? And who else?"
no subject
Sephiroth can only sigh. At least it is a distraction, he'll admit to that much.
"Angeal was Zack's mentor and perhaps the only reason Genesis and I did not kill each other on a daily basis. The two of them were friends before entering SOLDIER. Angeal was rather calm and Genesis theatrical and I don't if either overly desperate for my attention or simply wanted to be me."
He pauses, casting his head down to glance at Cloud.
"Genesis and Angeal ultimately both turned on Shinra after discovering what happened to them. Unlike us their bodies were degrading ... decaying as a result."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)