He stays silent for awhile. Unmoving, trying to still his anger and collect his own thoughts. He's also mad at himself for getting angry. He's normally better than that.
After a moment he looks up, though not directly at Zack.
"The Junon Cannon. Two others were there. Genesis. ... Angeal." Though that second name comes out a lot more forced. Like it's something he's barely holding onto. "We fought, but it wasn't a real battle. Not until near the end. Angeal, he --"
It's hard to finish that because the name brings nothing but blankness. Things the essence of his soul knows he should remember but he doesn't. But its someone who in that memory he felt very familiar with. But instead of allowing those feelings to overwhelm he shifts his focus.
"He," meaning Jon, "did this. He pushed that into my head. He got inside into things he should. I am going to destroy everything about him. Anything he cares about. I am going to take it away."
Zack is very quiet and very still when Sephiroth explains. And there's a bit of a chill that moves up his spines as he considers the implications of all of this.
He's the one who told Jon about Sephiroth's memory loss. He planted the seed for this. That's uncomfortable as hell to think about, but the way Jon had talked about it, he didn't think he'd actually do it. And certainly not without Sephiroth's consent, which clearly he didn't have.
He takes a breath and considers his words...very carefully before he responds.
"...I remember that. Or - I remember you telling me about it."
This time those green cat-eyes snap over to meet Zack's mako-blue.
"To get back at my pushing his fears. To prove that he has none."
But Sephiroth will find something to make Jon suffer. He needs to go have a talk with Elias.
It's still hard to think about everything. The memory still feels fresh despite being something from years ago. He hates it. He hates the feelings it brings with it. Things he left behind. Things that don't matter. But --
He looks over at the buster sword against the wall.
So Sephiroth had pushed and prodded until Jon decided to push back, basically. Zack still isn’t sure how he feels about that, if that really makes it better, but it does…explain why it happened, at least.
His gaze follows Sephiroth’s, and there’s a brief pang when the man says, Angeal carried that sword. Like it’s a revelation instead of something he should have remembered along.
When he answers, his voice is quiet — somber.
“Yeah, he did. Hardly ever saw him use it, but…it belonged to his family for a long time.”
Sephiroth shifts back to Zack. He can tell there's something deeper about all of that. The buster sword did end up going from Zack to Cloud.
"We were friends."
As soon as he says it, he breaks his gaze from Zack. His hands grip the sides of his head like he can somehow reach inside and tear the offending memory out. But he can't. All he can do is sit there and hope that it fades. Somehow.
Zack looks at Sephiroth, the torment on his face, and he can’t help but feel something in his chest tighten. Even though Sephiroth has fully embraced the life and existence of a monster and done so many terrible things — ultimately, he is broken. He took the path of insanity to escape the harsh truths he confronted in Nibelheim, and looking backwards like this now, before he’d really made any steps forward…Zack has a sinking feeling it’s going to make things worse.
He stares at the other in silence for a moment, his own expression…pained. Despite his best attempts to hide it.
“Yeah, you were,” he says finally - softly. “He died before Nibelheim.”
He isn't. Not in the slightest. At least not this way. He released all the moments from his past, leaving them behind as though they were nothing. While meeting certain faces from that time period is one thing (take Zack for example), it's another to experience it.
It's even different from experiencing the essences of the long dead in the lifestream. Their thoughts, memories, emotions flow all around but there Sephiroth is an outsider looking in. He can still distance himself from it. This? This was part of him. Something he walked away from before but he can't now.
"I don't want to talk about this. I want it gone," he says despite being the one keeps brining things up.
He almost adds something again about how he's going to go kill Jon, but talking about that won't get him anywhere either.
Zack leans back in his chair, closes his eyes, and just…tries to untangle how he feels about all this enough to really think. He has to talk to Jon about this; there is no way he can just let this go without addressing it. It’s one more headache he didn’t need, but it happened so now he has to deal with it.
He opens his eyes finally, looks at Sephiroth, and sighs.
“I know. And even though I’d have to stop you if you tried, I understand…why you’re mad. And why you want to do that.”
He thought Trevor was going to be the main problem for Sephiroth moving forward…but now he’s having to revise that assessment.
He rubs his face.
“I’m going to have to talk to Jon about this, but for right now, I think…just staying here is good. We don’t have to talk anymore about what you saw, but I can…make tea.”
His mom used to say tea helped everything, and even though he’s not sure that’s true, he doesn’t know what else to do, either. Besides just…be here and be calm so hopefully some of his calm will rub off on Sephiroth.
He keeps his eyes on the other man while the silence lingers between them until Zack speaks again. He wasn't sure if Zack would understand his anger. He's not even sure he does now. But... he's trying.
As for the second part -- Sephiroth is uncertain what he really wants to do -- beyond what he already said. And clawing his own mind out. He doesn't really want to go anywhere, not even back to his own cabin. So maybe here is fine ...
"Okay," he finally says letting his own eyes close for a moment. Maybe he'll just sit here awhile.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
After a moment he looks up, though not directly at Zack.
"The Junon Cannon. Two others were there. Genesis. ... Angeal." Though that second name comes out a lot more forced. Like it's something he's barely holding onto. "We fought, but it wasn't a real battle. Not until near the end. Angeal, he --"
It's hard to finish that because the name brings nothing but blankness. Things the essence of his soul knows he should remember but he doesn't. But its someone who in that memory he felt very familiar with. But instead of allowing those feelings to overwhelm he shifts his focus.
"He," meaning Jon, "did this. He pushed that into my head. He got inside into things he should. I am going to destroy everything about him. Anything he cares about. I am going to take it away."
no subject
He's the one who told Jon about Sephiroth's memory loss. He planted the seed for this. That's uncomfortable as hell to think about, but the way Jon had talked about it, he didn't think he'd actually do it. And certainly not without Sephiroth's consent, which clearly he didn't have.
He takes a breath and considers his words...very carefully before he responds.
"...I remember that. Or - I remember you telling me about it."
A beat, then-
"Why did he do it?"
no subject
"To get back at my pushing his fears. To prove that he has none."
But Sephiroth will find something to make Jon suffer. He needs to go have a talk with Elias.
It's still hard to think about everything. The memory still feels fresh despite being something from years ago. He hates it. He hates the feelings it brings with it. Things he left behind. Things that don't matter. But --
He looks over at the buster sword against the wall.
"Angeal carried that sword."
no subject
His gaze follows Sephiroth’s, and there’s a brief pang when the man says, Angeal carried that sword. Like it’s a revelation instead of something he should have remembered along.
When he answers, his voice is quiet — somber.
“Yeah, he did. Hardly ever saw him use it, but…it belonged to his family for a long time.”
no subject
"We were friends."
As soon as he says it, he breaks his gaze from Zack. His hands grip the sides of his head like he can somehow reach inside and tear the offending memory out. But he can't. All he can do is sit there and hope that it fades. Somehow.
no subject
Zack looks at Sephiroth, the torment on his face, and he can’t help but feel something in his chest tighten. Even though Sephiroth has fully embraced the life and existence of a monster and done so many terrible things — ultimately, he is broken. He took the path of insanity to escape the harsh truths he confronted in Nibelheim, and looking backwards like this now, before he’d really made any steps forward…Zack has a sinking feeling it’s going to make things worse.
He stares at the other in silence for a moment, his own expression…pained. Despite his best attempts to hide it.
“Yeah, you were,” he says finally - softly. “He died before Nibelheim.”
no subject
It's even different from experiencing the essences of the long dead in the lifestream. Their thoughts, memories, emotions flow all around but there Sephiroth is an outsider looking in. He can still distance himself from it. This? This was part of him. Something he walked away from before but he can't now.
"I don't want to talk about this. I want it gone," he says despite being the one keeps brining things up.
He almost adds something again about how he's going to go kill Jon, but talking about that won't get him anywhere either.
"I imagine you're pleased with this."
no subject
"No. I'm not happy about it."
Even though he does believe Sephiroth needs to regain his lost memories...it shouldn't have been now. Or like this.
"Our heads are the only things we have to ourselves sometimes, so no, I'm not happy he did this to you."
no subject
"What are you going to do now? I attacked. I would have killed him had you not intervened. I still intend to. Right now that is all I want to do."
no subject
Zack leans back in his chair, closes his eyes, and just…tries to untangle how he feels about all this enough to really think. He has to talk to Jon about this; there is no way he can just let this go without addressing it. It’s one more headache he didn’t need, but it happened so now he has to deal with it.
He opens his eyes finally, looks at Sephiroth, and sighs.
“I know. And even though I’d have to stop you if you tried, I understand…why you’re mad. And why you want to do that.”
He thought Trevor was going to be the main problem for Sephiroth moving forward…but now he’s having to revise that assessment.
He rubs his face.
“I’m going to have to talk to Jon about this, but for right now, I think…just staying here is good. We don’t have to talk anymore about what you saw, but I can…make tea.”
His mom used to say tea helped everything, and even though he’s not sure that’s true, he doesn’t know what else to do, either. Besides just…be here and be calm so hopefully some of his calm will rub off on Sephiroth.
no subject
As for the second part -- Sephiroth is uncertain what he really wants to do -- beyond what he already said. And clawing his own mind out. He doesn't really want to go anywhere, not even back to his own cabin. So maybe here is fine ...
"Okay," he finally says letting his own eyes close for a moment. Maybe he'll just sit here awhile.