[Is that true? Cloud has a lot of people practically jumping into his lap, though he might not realize that yet.
Of course what Sephiroth should feel is that there is no reason Cloud should ever go to anyone else because he belongs to him and him alone (his puppet). So this shouldn't bother him in the slightest.
But it does.]
Why were you asking those questions on the network?
[The happiness question he can almost understand. Cloud's never been a happy individual. But the excited one? Why?]
[Cloud sighs heavily. Since Sephiroth did finally answer his question, he... guesses... he can return the favor. It feels so stupid though, so there's some lengthy hesitation.]
I guess... I just wanted to know why people bother chasing happiness, when... losing it hurts so much.
[He lets out a much heavier sigh after admitting that. Before the next part is said, he folds his arms over his chest, as if that'll help somehow, with anything.]
But it wasn't just for me. You're so... damn difficult, sometimes, but I figured it might be worth a shot, seeing what other people do to feel either of those things. [Uuugggggh... it sounds even dumber, out loud.] Look, it's not even that big of a deal! I just thought I'd give something a try that might help us or- lighten the mood a little, but clearly it wasn't a good idea, alright?
[Sephiroth stares at Cloud for what feels like an eternity, but in reality it's only a few seconds ticking by. After a moment, he shifts his gaze to the side, turning away from Cloud.]
If you are seeking happiness, you'll want to become a warden. Graduate. Get your deal granted. Break our bond, eliminate what holds me together in the lifestream. Forget so there's nothing left. That is the only way to prevent all the coming loss on the horizon.
Everything about those words pisses him off, and that's without even knowing where to start with processing them. Cloud feels a lot of the buried frustrations bubbling to the surface, trying to no avail to push it all back down. So, sure enough, it seems Sephiroth's found one of those buttons that pushes Cloud into acting without much thought
Having his strength and speed back means he's able to grab the taller man, flinging Sephiroth over Cloud's shoulder, and then onto his back. Cloud immediately moves to pin the older man to the floor, his own face just inches from the opposite one.
Cloud's eyes sting, his mixture of frustration and unresolved anger currently too much. Like hell he wants to let Sephiroth see him crying over this... So he does the first thing to come to mind - the first thing that would be an effective distraction.
[If he's being completely honest with himself, which considering how crazy he is isn't often, he expected some sort of reaction. But not this one. Punching him, stabbing him, yelling at him ... those would all be expected.
Being grabbed and flipped to the ground? Not so much.
What comes immediately after? Not at all.
Which is probably what Cloud is going for. The biggest power move he could make in this instance. Sure the two of them have that undefined thing between them, but this level of dramatics is somehow both completely out there and completely normal for them all at the same time.
That's how their relationship is, a mixture of a lot of things that don't always make sense, yet do in their own weird way. Which is why this works as the perfect distraction and if Sephiroth were a computer this would be the moment where a sad face pops up along with a message about the PC needing to restart.
Were Cloud not currently pinning him down, he'd probably yank the younger man down closer. Instead, a few seconds after his brain finally registers what happened, he leans up into the kiss.]
[The moment their lips are touching, Cloud could almost forget the core of the reason he went for this. It's stupid, probably... Reckless, careless, etc. So many reasons could be listed out as far as why he shouldn't be jumping into something like this. Something like...
Simply leaning even more into the kiss, the moment he feels Sephiroth returning it. Something he hadn't fully anticipated, himself. He probably should have, given their overall usual dynamic. And yet his heart starts to race, his body buzzing a little in a mostly unfamiliar way. One of his hands slides away from its job of pinning Sephiroth, moving instead to tangle into the other man's hair.
Never mind that he hadn't planned on continuing with the kiss - it's managed to shut Sephiroth up, after all.]
[Even with how unexpected this is, he does feel something from their time as bounty hunters ... that other life. It's hard not to think about that right now. Maybe that's what really bothered him with Cloud's question about happiness. Were they happy in that other life?
Is that what it felt like?
Is it even possible now? What he doesn't feel hate towards is filled with apathy. Though it's hard to keep his thoughts there with Cloud's weight against his body.
Now that his one hand is free, it finds it's way up to Cloud's lower back, resting there like that might somehow stop him from moving if he choose to leave.
Maybe that's what ultimately bothers him. Cloud has every reason to hate him, and that's what Sephiroth wanted. Him to fall deeper into the same despair they both share. Cloud's always managed to crawl back towards the edge before falling in, but again that goes back to what Sephiroth said that started ... this.
If Cloud wants happiness, there's none here. Only darkness and hate. Yet he selfishly doesn't want him to be free. Not really. Maybe in a way, they're both doomed --
[Cloud's thoughts are a jumbled mess, nearly right away, as he lets his lips move against the opposite pair.
While he doesn't know exactly what he expected Sephiroth to do in response, encouraging touches hadn't exactly been there. Yet, sure enough, there's the other man's hand. It feels much heavier than it should, Cloud's sure, and that only brings a little more frustration into the mix. It's getting really difficult to imagine pulling away, even as he dimly acknowledges that they probably shouldn't let this happen. They still have a lot to work out, to figure out, before they go beyond the awkward dates and confusing discussions about the future.
As quiet growl slips out as he bites down on Sephiroth's bottom lip. Then, as he barely manages to break the kiss (after more seconds than he has the focus to count), he looks down at Sephiroth with something he wishes was more defiant. While barely managing to look annoyed, he sighs.]
My life... My happiness. [He narrows his eyes a little, brow pinched with some determination over the next thing he says.] I won't erase you to make it happen.
[The bite ... that stirs something inside. So much that for the briefest of moments, his pupils grow a fraction larger. Just the slightest amount. But then Cloud pulls away and everything focuses back to normal.
Sephiroth looks up at those eyes that are, like him, filled with a mixture of emotions. He doesn't need to read Cloud's mind to see that. In a way, that's something the two of them share.
He makes an amused sound. He's seen this look before. Many times in fact. Somehow, no matter the situation, it always goes back to this.]
I took everything from you. You risk losing even more. If happiness is what you're looking for, you won't find it in our tangled destiny. You know you have to cut the strings that bind us.
[Cloud leans down, his gaze burning into Sephiroth's. If he has to become unreasonably stubborn to stand against his rival, his... very complicated romantic partner, of sorts...
Well, so be it. He's setting his mind to this, steeling his heart against all the protesting and fighting that Sephiroth's no doubt going to do, in some form, over time. Being kissed back, being asked on dates, being offered the things he's been offered, being... respected in all those weird ways? It's kind of stacking evidence against the other man, lately, in Cloud's still-fairly-confused mind.]
The only strings I'm cutting are the ones tying you to that mindset.
[He won't continue to fight him over it -- not so strongly at least, but he still feels this will all come crashing down. Partially because of what's to come for Cloud. Partly because of what already happened. And partially because Sephiroth's own mind is in a constant war with itself.
The arrogant side tells him that yes, of course because Cloud belongs to him. The rest is fragments of things he doesn't fully understand and might not ever will.]
[Cloud brings a hand back up to tangle it into the fabric over Sephiroth's heart.]
You're an idiot sometimes, and you did some terrible things, but... I mean it when I say I'd rather fight more alongside you. I want you to at least try... We can stay rivals, but we don't have to be enemies.
[Ah... he gives the smallest smile, at that. Sure, it's as much of a guarantee as he could expect, with how unstable things continue to feel. They're both fumbling through this. Neither of them can be sure of when they'll graduate, much less... how things will even work out, between them. Still... Sephiroth being willing to try? Means a lot, even on its own. Cloud still sees him as someone capable of anything he puts his mind to.
So, after a moment, he leans down and kisses him again. Just as firmly as before, but with much less of that anger he was feeling the first time. Of course, this time, it's something to express appreciation.]
[Like before, Sephiroth pulls Cloud closer. He still believes this will not end well. Cloud will eventually experience more of the future and that will be it. But he supposes it won't be bad to experience this for a little while ...
Like that other life. Despite everything, they were happy there weren't they?]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He hesitates a moment but. ..]
... Yes.
[Yes to what? Well, that's up for Cloud to decide.]
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He frowns, and then considers for a moment.]
To... the jealousy, or...?
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[Exactly. Except he's not going to say it.]
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Seriously? [And then it sinks in, causing him to blink once more... and his expression to falter a bit, face darkening just slightly.] Wait, really??
[Cloud hadn't actually expected him to admit it. Or, really... for it to be true...]
I'm not-...
[Anyone to worry about? Someone to be jealous over? He doesn't actually know where he's trying to go with this, so he shifts his stance a little.]
You know you're... literally the only person I've... [He gestures a bit awkwardly.] ... thought about that way.
[Frankly, the tension and awkward air could be cut with a knife. He glances away, quietly adding:]
Right?
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Of course what Sephiroth should feel is that there is no reason Cloud should ever go to anyone else because he belongs to him and him alone (his puppet). So this shouldn't bother him in the slightest.
But it does.]
Why were you asking those questions on the network?
[The happiness question he can almost understand. Cloud's never been a happy individual. But the excited one? Why?]
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I guess... I just wanted to know why people bother chasing happiness, when... losing it hurts so much.
[He lets out a much heavier sigh after admitting that. Before the next part is said, he folds his arms over his chest, as if that'll help somehow, with anything.]
But it wasn't just for me. You're so... damn difficult, sometimes, but I figured it might be worth a shot, seeing what other people do to feel either of those things. [Uuugggggh... it sounds even dumber, out loud.] Look, it's not even that big of a deal! I just thought I'd give something a try that might help us or- lighten the mood a little, but clearly it wasn't a good idea, alright?
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If you are seeking happiness, you'll want to become a warden. Graduate. Get your deal granted. Break our bond, eliminate what holds me together in the lifestream. Forget so there's nothing left. That is the only way to prevent all the coming loss on the horizon.
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Everything about those words pisses him off, and that's without even knowing where to start with processing them. Cloud feels a lot of the buried frustrations bubbling to the surface, trying to no avail to push it all back down. So, sure enough, it seems Sephiroth's found one of those buttons that pushes Cloud into acting without much thought
Having his strength and speed back means he's able to grab the taller man, flinging Sephiroth over Cloud's shoulder, and then onto his back. Cloud immediately moves to pin the older man to the floor, his own face just inches from the opposite one.
Cloud's eyes sting, his mixture of frustration and unresolved anger currently too much. Like hell he wants to let Sephiroth see him crying over this... So he does the first thing to come to mind - the first thing that would be an effective distraction.
Which is... kiss him. Firmly.]
i have the perfect icon for this, you're welcome
Being grabbed and flipped to the ground? Not so much.
What comes immediately after? Not at all.
Which is probably what Cloud is going for. The biggest power move he could make in this instance. Sure the two of them have that undefined thing between them, but this level of dramatics is somehow both completely out there and completely normal for them all at the same time.
That's how their relationship is, a mixture of a lot of things that don't always make sense, yet do in their own weird way. Which is why this works as the perfect distraction and if Sephiroth were a computer this would be the moment where a sad face pops up along with a message about the PC needing to restart.
Were Cloud not currently pinning him down, he'd probably yank the younger man down closer. Instead, a few seconds after his brain finally registers what happened, he leans up into the kiss.]
It's as beautiful as your tag
Simply leaning even more into the kiss, the moment he feels Sephiroth returning it. Something he hadn't fully anticipated, himself. He probably should have, given their overall usual dynamic. And yet his heart starts to race, his body buzzing a little in a mostly unfamiliar way. One of his hands slides away from its job of pinning Sephiroth, moving instead to tangle into the other man's hair.
Never mind that he hadn't planned on continuing with the kiss - it's managed to shut Sephiroth up, after all.]
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Is that what it felt like?
Is it even possible now? What he doesn't feel hate towards is filled with apathy. Though it's hard to keep his thoughts there with Cloud's weight against his body.
Now that his one hand is free, it finds it's way up to Cloud's lower back, resting there like that might somehow stop him from moving if he choose to leave.
Maybe that's what ultimately bothers him. Cloud has every reason to hate him, and that's what Sephiroth wanted. Him to fall deeper into the same despair they both share. Cloud's always managed to crawl back towards the edge before falling in, but again that goes back to what Sephiroth said that started ... this.
If Cloud wants happiness, there's none here. Only darkness and hate. Yet he selfishly doesn't want him to be free. Not really. Maybe in a way, they're both doomed --
And that's why they ended up on the floor.]
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While he doesn't know exactly what he expected Sephiroth to do in response, encouraging touches hadn't exactly been there. Yet, sure enough, there's the other man's hand. It feels much heavier than it should, Cloud's sure, and that only brings a little more frustration into the mix. It's getting really difficult to imagine pulling away, even as he dimly acknowledges that they probably shouldn't let this happen. They still have a lot to work out, to figure out, before they go beyond the awkward dates and confusing discussions about the future.
As quiet growl slips out as he bites down on Sephiroth's bottom lip. Then, as he barely manages to break the kiss (after more seconds than he has the focus to count), he looks down at Sephiroth with something he wishes was more defiant. While barely managing to look annoyed, he sighs.]
My life... My happiness. [He narrows his eyes a little, brow pinched with some determination over the next thing he says.] I won't erase you to make it happen.
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Sephiroth looks up at those eyes that are, like him, filled with a mixture of emotions. He doesn't need to read Cloud's mind to see that. In a way, that's something the two of them share.
He makes an amused sound. He's seen this look before. Many times in fact. Somehow, no matter the situation, it always goes back to this.]
I took everything from you. You risk losing even more. If happiness is what you're looking for, you won't find it in our tangled destiny. You know you have to cut the strings that bind us.
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Well, so be it. He's setting his mind to this, steeling his heart against all the protesting and fighting that Sephiroth's no doubt going to do, in some form, over time. Being kissed back, being asked on dates, being offered the things he's been offered, being... respected in all those weird ways? It's kind of stacking evidence against the other man, lately, in Cloud's still-fairly-confused mind.]
The only strings I'm cutting are the ones tying you to that mindset.
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[He won't continue to fight him over it -- not so strongly at least, but he still feels this will all come crashing down. Partially because of what's to come for Cloud. Partly because of what already happened. And partially because Sephiroth's own mind is in a constant war with itself.
The arrogant side tells him that yes, of course because Cloud belongs to him. The rest is fragments of things he doesn't fully understand and might not ever will.]
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[Cloud brings a hand back up to tangle it into the fabric over Sephiroth's heart.]
You're an idiot sometimes, and you did some terrible things, but... I mean it when I say I'd rather fight more alongside you. I want you to at least try... We can stay rivals, but we don't have to be enemies.
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We'll see, Cloud. That is all I can offer you.
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So, after a moment, he leans down and kisses him again. Just as firmly as before, but with much less of that anger he was feeling the first time. Of course, this time, it's something to express appreciation.]
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Like that other life. Despite everything, they were happy there weren't they?]