There it is. That is the point. That is the moment. That is when the wrongness of it, the pure aching inaccuracy of the bile that Sephiroth is spitting out hits a mark.
Because no one, no one has ever come to 'save' him. And the only person who'd ever tried? Deserved better than being mocked like that.
That feeling from before? It returns, with a vengeance as Jon turns and looks at Sephiroth. And those eyes aren't daggers, they don't stab or cut or pierce. They look Through. They See, and they see what Sephiroth doesn't want them to see, doesn't want anyone to see because that is what they want to Know.
"Hilarious," he says, utterly calm, completely unbothered, his posture loose and relaxed. Because now he's let go, now he's not trying to be a person. He's the Archivist. He's a living compendium of terror, and inside of him lives the darkest Dark and the deepest Buried and a vastness so Vast words fail it. He still feels the Corruption squirming in his skin some nights, and there's no telling if it's the Spiral warping what he hears or whether the Stranger's calliope or the Piper's violence sings endlessly in his ears. This fool thinks he can play him, but he's had the Web's strings tugging him this way and that since he was eight, knows their tug, just like he can feel the burning, heatless Desolation envelope his hand, the emptiness at the bottom of his ribs reminding him of all the pieces of Flesh that make him up. He has lived and he has Died and he has lived again and all were done, utterly Alone in every way that matters. He's even seen himself become something new and different and alien, seen himself and who he is and what he believes replaced, seen Jon Sims become the Archivist and he still doesn't know the way back from that, not completely. But the Hunt is in his blood as he looks at his prey, at this man who thinks he knows what fear is.
"You can't even face the man you were, let alone the things I've walked into, eyes very much wide open. I was closing them? Because I didn't want to inadvertently See something, I didn't want to hurt you in a way that no one here has much defense against. But clearly, that's not what you want. So fine. Let's look the monster in the face."
It's not a full extraction. He wouldn't dream of it, can't justify that to himself, even now, even here. But he's going to reach in and pull out something deep, something that this man does not want to face. With enough force to make the tape recorder in his pocket squeal in its own kind of terror as that knowledge floods through not just him? But Sephiroth as well.
And Sephiroth? Will feel it just like the first time, knowing Jon knows all of it, everything, right down to the last trembling heartbeat.
It is this moment that Sephiroth reverts back to himself though it's hard to say if it's because the time ran out or because of the feeling radiating off of Jon. For a moment he doesn't react, not to the feeling or the words. He stares with the usual smug mild curiosity. Like hew watching some sort of cataclysmic event about to happen.
But then it hits him. The memory washes over like a tidal wave. The place he recognizes, though there's an artifical feel much like the Enclosure. Two figures one reciting something from a book -- Genesis. He was at the reactor at Nibelheim. The other -- Angeal -- has the buster sword but ...
The two of them. He was familiar with them. They were friends. He can feel this.
Sephiroth actually takes a step back from Jon, bringing a hand up to his head as though it'll somehow make it go away.
The thrill of them engaging in a friendly sparr, that eventually gets serious as Genesis tries to take on Sephiroth alone. The rivalry between them, that was mostly one sided. Sephiroth didn't care, but he also wasn't going to let Genesis win. The fight goes to dangerous levels when Sephiroth really gets into it. If not for Angeal getting in the middle it might have ended up worse. That also feels familiar.
The fight only ultimately ends when Genesis gets hurt by his own actions of wanting to continue, leaving the illusion of the training room to come crashing down all around them. Sephiroth hates the feelings that come with all of this. The worry, the caring about Genesis, the frustration at himself for letting it go that far when he knew better. He wants nothing more than to claw it out of his head.
Jon is doing this.
His eyes snap back open, he didn't even realize he shut them when he went to back away and he lunges. Fully intending to grab Jon by the throat and slam him into a wall. To make it stop, to crush the source.
For the first time in years Sephiroth legitimately looks angry. Far angrier than he's been in a very long time.
Sephiroth grabs him by the throat, slams him into the wall. And even though he can't breathe, even though he can't speak, there's a satisfaction in his eyes, and the feel of those watching eyes-
They're not searching for secrets, because what's happening now is juicy enough. No, this is a malevolent gaze of someone who is watching? And enjoying your discomfort, your fear. Enjoying the fear of something being in your head that you didn't want to be there, the idea that more might come.
It's the fear Jon lives with every day of his life.
He can't answer, but it's obvious from his face, pained as it is: he has zero regrets. He dares.
And he'll dare again.
He is not afraid of Sephiroth. Not even a little. He never was and he never will be. No matter what he does to him.
It takes a grand total of two seconds after Jon’s body hits the wall for the door of Zack’s cabin to slam open. He’d been listening for something like this simply because Jon requested it, and the mixture of shock and confusion on his face quickly morphs into alarm as what’s happening registers.
Zack launches himself at Sephiroth, latches his arms around him, and tries to drag him off Jon with all the strength he has.
Sephiroth was fully ready to crush Jon's throat. To wipe that look off his face, to make him pay for worming his way into his mind. For bringing up things that were supposed to be gone for good.. To just claw him apart piece by piece until Zack made a heroic appearance.
Thankfully his strength is far less than it should be so Zack has no issues dragging him off.
Something that'd normally irritate if not frustrate him, but right now it pales in comparison to the anger currently boiling.
"Let go." He can try to fight Zack, but even he can't hope to over power the strength of a SOLDIER. Not as he is now.
Jon drops, and he'll shake his head and let out a cough, but he doesn't even sound froggy after that. Instead, his voice is clear if a little rough, some of the anger blunted but none of the indignance.
"Quid pro quo." Turnabout is fair play.
He turns to Zack, and his tone is more conciliatory.
Still hanging on to Sephiroth, Zack gives Jon a sharp look at the ‘quid pro quo’ comment. The kind of look that says they’re going to have some words later, and they may not be kind, either.
“Go. Now,” he grinds out — and no, he’s not letting go of Sephiroth. Not until Jon is well and truly gone.
Sephiroth finally stops struggling as much realizing there is not much chance of escaping to end Jon's life in this instance. But he does practically shoot daggers from his eyes in the direction of the other man.
Zack waits until he’s damn sure Jon is off their floor before he cautiously releases Sephiroth. Just seeing the other man like that has Zack agitated and more than a little unnerved.
He puffs out a soft breath, and he tries to ignore the sound of his own pulse pounding in his ears. His voice, at least, is steady.
“Do you want to tell me what happened now or later?”
Sephiroth let's out a few heavy breaths, his eyes staring off in the direction Jon went. If Zack weren't standing there he might be tempted to go track him down.
Instead he pulls his gaze back to Zack. He's still clearly not in the best mental state right now.
Well, that’s good, at least. That Sephiroth isn’t trying to take off after Jon. Because this is such an…uncharacteristically emotional Sephiroth, that Zack still isn’t sure what to expect right now.
Sephiroth huffs, but otherwise doesn't answer, he just starts to head into Zack's cabin. He just wants to get out of the hallway and sit down. Which he does once inside and just kind of leans his face into his palm.
Zack just…watches Sephiroth and quietly follows him in. Shuts the door and locks it so they won’t be bothered.
He eyes the man for a second before sitting down in a chair across from him. He doesn’t say anything — however, the mixture of puzzlement and concerned is obvious on his face.
He stays silent for awhile. Unmoving, trying to still his anger and collect his own thoughts. He's also mad at himself for getting angry. He's normally better than that.
After a moment he looks up, though not directly at Zack.
"The Junon Cannon. Two others were there. Genesis. ... Angeal." Though that second name comes out a lot more forced. Like it's something he's barely holding onto. "We fought, but it wasn't a real battle. Not until near the end. Angeal, he --"
It's hard to finish that because the name brings nothing but blankness. Things the essence of his soul knows he should remember but he doesn't. But its someone who in that memory he felt very familiar with. But instead of allowing those feelings to overwhelm he shifts his focus.
"He," meaning Jon, "did this. He pushed that into my head. He got inside into things he should. I am going to destroy everything about him. Anything he cares about. I am going to take it away."
Zack is very quiet and very still when Sephiroth explains. And there's a bit of a chill that moves up his spines as he considers the implications of all of this.
He's the one who told Jon about Sephiroth's memory loss. He planted the seed for this. That's uncomfortable as hell to think about, but the way Jon had talked about it, he didn't think he'd actually do it. And certainly not without Sephiroth's consent, which clearly he didn't have.
He takes a breath and considers his words...very carefully before he responds.
"...I remember that. Or - I remember you telling me about it."
This time those green cat-eyes snap over to meet Zack's mako-blue.
"To get back at my pushing his fears. To prove that he has none."
But Sephiroth will find something to make Jon suffer. He needs to go have a talk with Elias.
It's still hard to think about everything. The memory still feels fresh despite being something from years ago. He hates it. He hates the feelings it brings with it. Things he left behind. Things that don't matter. But --
He looks over at the buster sword against the wall.
So Sephiroth had pushed and prodded until Jon decided to push back, basically. Zack still isn’t sure how he feels about that, if that really makes it better, but it does…explain why it happened, at least.
His gaze follows Sephiroth’s, and there’s a brief pang when the man says, Angeal carried that sword. Like it’s a revelation instead of something he should have remembered along.
When he answers, his voice is quiet — somber.
“Yeah, he did. Hardly ever saw him use it, but…it belonged to his family for a long time.”
Sephiroth shifts back to Zack. He can tell there's something deeper about all of that. The buster sword did end up going from Zack to Cloud.
"We were friends."
As soon as he says it, he breaks his gaze from Zack. His hands grip the sides of his head like he can somehow reach inside and tear the offending memory out. But he can't. All he can do is sit there and hope that it fades. Somehow.
Zack looks at Sephiroth, the torment on his face, and he can’t help but feel something in his chest tighten. Even though Sephiroth has fully embraced the life and existence of a monster and done so many terrible things — ultimately, he is broken. He took the path of insanity to escape the harsh truths he confronted in Nibelheim, and looking backwards like this now, before he’d really made any steps forward…Zack has a sinking feeling it’s going to make things worse.
He stares at the other in silence for a moment, his own expression…pained. Despite his best attempts to hide it.
“Yeah, you were,” he says finally - softly. “He died before Nibelheim.”
He isn't. Not in the slightest. At least not this way. He released all the moments from his past, leaving them behind as though they were nothing. While meeting certain faces from that time period is one thing (take Zack for example), it's another to experience it.
It's even different from experiencing the essences of the long dead in the lifestream. Their thoughts, memories, emotions flow all around but there Sephiroth is an outsider looking in. He can still distance himself from it. This? This was part of him. Something he walked away from before but he can't now.
"I don't want to talk about this. I want it gone," he says despite being the one keeps brining things up.
He almost adds something again about how he's going to go kill Jon, but talking about that won't get him anywhere either.
Zack leans back in his chair, closes his eyes, and just…tries to untangle how he feels about all this enough to really think. He has to talk to Jon about this; there is no way he can just let this go without addressing it. It’s one more headache he didn’t need, but it happened so now he has to deal with it.
He opens his eyes finally, looks at Sephiroth, and sighs.
“I know. And even though I’d have to stop you if you tried, I understand…why you’re mad. And why you want to do that.”
He thought Trevor was going to be the main problem for Sephiroth moving forward…but now he’s having to revise that assessment.
He rubs his face.
“I’m going to have to talk to Jon about this, but for right now, I think…just staying here is good. We don’t have to talk anymore about what you saw, but I can…make tea.”
His mom used to say tea helped everything, and even though he’s not sure that’s true, he doesn’t know what else to do, either. Besides just…be here and be calm so hopefully some of his calm will rub off on Sephiroth.
He keeps his eyes on the other man while the silence lingers between them until Zack speaks again. He wasn't sure if Zack would understand his anger. He's not even sure he does now. But... he's trying.
As for the second part -- Sephiroth is uncertain what he really wants to do -- beyond what he already said. And clawing his own mind out. He doesn't really want to go anywhere, not even back to his own cabin. So maybe here is fine ...
"Okay," he finally says letting his own eyes close for a moment. Maybe he'll just sit here awhile.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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There it is. That is the point. That is the moment. That is when the wrongness of it, the pure aching inaccuracy of the bile that Sephiroth is spitting out hits a mark.
Because no one, no one has ever come to 'save' him. And the only person who'd ever tried? Deserved better than being mocked like that.
That feeling from before? It returns, with a vengeance as Jon turns and looks at Sephiroth. And those eyes aren't daggers, they don't stab or cut or pierce. They look Through. They See, and they see what Sephiroth doesn't want them to see, doesn't want anyone to see because that is what they want to Know.
"Hilarious," he says, utterly calm, completely unbothered, his posture loose and relaxed. Because now he's let go, now he's not trying to be a person. He's the Archivist. He's a living compendium of terror, and inside of him lives the darkest Dark and the deepest Buried and a vastness so Vast words fail it. He still feels the Corruption squirming in his skin some nights, and there's no telling if it's the Spiral warping what he hears or whether the Stranger's calliope or the Piper's violence sings endlessly in his ears. This fool thinks he can play him, but he's had the Web's strings tugging him this way and that since he was eight, knows their tug, just like he can feel the burning, heatless Desolation envelope his hand, the emptiness at the bottom of his ribs reminding him of all the pieces of Flesh that make him up. He has lived and he has Died and he has lived again and all were done, utterly Alone in every way that matters. He's even seen himself become something new and different and alien, seen himself and who he is and what he believes replaced, seen Jon Sims become the Archivist and he still doesn't know the way back from that, not completely. But the Hunt is in his blood as he looks at his
prey, at this man who thinks he knows what fear is."You can't even face the man you were, let alone the things I've walked into, eyes very much wide open. I was closing them? Because I didn't want to inadvertently See something, I didn't want to hurt you in a way that no one here has much defense against. But clearly, that's not what you want. So fine. Let's look the monster in the face."
It's not a full extraction. He wouldn't dream of it, can't justify that to himself, even now, even here. But he's going to reach in and pull out something deep, something that this man does not want to face. With enough force to make the tape recorder in his pocket squeal in its own kind of terror as that knowledge floods through not just him? But Sephiroth as well.
And Sephiroth? Will feel it just like the first time, knowing Jon knows all of it, everything, right down to the last trembling heartbeat.
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But then it hits him. The memory washes over like a tidal wave. The place he recognizes, though there's an artifical feel much like the Enclosure. Two figures one reciting something from a book -- Genesis. He was at the reactor at Nibelheim. The other -- Angeal -- has the buster sword but ...
The two of them. He was familiar with them. They were friends. He can feel this.
Sephiroth actually takes a step back from Jon, bringing a hand up to his head as though it'll somehow make it go away.
The thrill of them engaging in a friendly sparr, that eventually gets serious as Genesis tries to take on Sephiroth alone. The rivalry between them, that was mostly one sided. Sephiroth didn't care, but he also wasn't going to let Genesis win. The fight goes to dangerous levels when Sephiroth really gets into it. If not for Angeal getting in the middle it might have ended up worse. That also feels familiar.
The fight only ultimately ends when Genesis gets hurt by his own actions of wanting to continue, leaving the illusion of the training room to come crashing down all around them. Sephiroth hates the feelings that come with all of this. The worry, the caring about Genesis, the frustration at himself for letting it go that far when he knew better. He wants nothing more than to claw it out of his head.
Jon is doing this.
His eyes snap back open, he didn't even realize he shut them when he went to back away and he lunges. Fully intending to grab Jon by the throat and slam him into a wall. To make it stop, to crush the source.
For the first time in years Sephiroth legitimately looks angry. Far angrier than he's been in a very long time.
"How. Dare. You."
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Sephiroth grabs him by the throat, slams him into the wall. And even though he can't breathe, even though he can't speak, there's a satisfaction in his eyes, and the feel of those watching eyes-
They're not searching for secrets, because what's happening now is juicy enough. No, this is a malevolent gaze of someone who is watching? And enjoying your discomfort, your fear. Enjoying the fear of something being in your head that you didn't want to be there, the idea that more might come.
It's the fear Jon lives with every day of his life.
He can't answer, but it's obvious from his face, pained as it is: he has zero regrets. He dares.
And he'll dare again.
He is not afraid of Sephiroth. Not even a little. He never was and he never will be. No matter what he does to him.
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Zack launches himself at Sephiroth, latches his arms around him, and tries to drag him off Jon with all the strength he has.
“Sephiroth, stop!”
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Thankfully his strength is far less than it should be so Zack has no issues dragging him off.
Something that'd normally irritate if not frustrate him, but right now it pales in comparison to the anger currently boiling.
"Let go." He can try to fight Zack, but even he can't hope to over power the strength of a SOLDIER. Not as he is now.
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"Quid pro quo." Turnabout is fair play.
He turns to Zack, and his tone is more conciliatory.
"Should I-"
Get out of here?
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“Go. Now,” he grinds out — and no, he’s not letting go of Sephiroth. Not until Jon is well and truly gone.
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"I'm gone."
An acknowledgement that they'll talk later. But he's running at top speed and on a different floor soon enough.
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He puffs out a soft breath, and he tries to ignore the sound of his own pulse pounding in his ears. His voice, at least, is steady.
“Do you want to tell me what happened now or later?”
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Instead he pulls his gaze back to Zack. He's still clearly not in the best mental state right now.
"Not out here."
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He looks at him and nods slowly.
“Okay…your cabin or mine?”
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He eyes the man for a second before sitting down in a chair across from him. He doesn’t say anything — however, the mixture of puzzlement and concerned is obvious on his face.
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After a moment he looks up, though not directly at Zack.
"The Junon Cannon. Two others were there. Genesis. ... Angeal." Though that second name comes out a lot more forced. Like it's something he's barely holding onto. "We fought, but it wasn't a real battle. Not until near the end. Angeal, he --"
It's hard to finish that because the name brings nothing but blankness. Things the essence of his soul knows he should remember but he doesn't. But its someone who in that memory he felt very familiar with. But instead of allowing those feelings to overwhelm he shifts his focus.
"He," meaning Jon, "did this. He pushed that into my head. He got inside into things he should. I am going to destroy everything about him. Anything he cares about. I am going to take it away."
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He's the one who told Jon about Sephiroth's memory loss. He planted the seed for this. That's uncomfortable as hell to think about, but the way Jon had talked about it, he didn't think he'd actually do it. And certainly not without Sephiroth's consent, which clearly he didn't have.
He takes a breath and considers his words...very carefully before he responds.
"...I remember that. Or - I remember you telling me about it."
A beat, then-
"Why did he do it?"
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"To get back at my pushing his fears. To prove that he has none."
But Sephiroth will find something to make Jon suffer. He needs to go have a talk with Elias.
It's still hard to think about everything. The memory still feels fresh despite being something from years ago. He hates it. He hates the feelings it brings with it. Things he left behind. Things that don't matter. But --
He looks over at the buster sword against the wall.
"Angeal carried that sword."
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His gaze follows Sephiroth’s, and there’s a brief pang when the man says, Angeal carried that sword. Like it’s a revelation instead of something he should have remembered along.
When he answers, his voice is quiet — somber.
“Yeah, he did. Hardly ever saw him use it, but…it belonged to his family for a long time.”
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"We were friends."
As soon as he says it, he breaks his gaze from Zack. His hands grip the sides of his head like he can somehow reach inside and tear the offending memory out. But he can't. All he can do is sit there and hope that it fades. Somehow.
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Zack looks at Sephiroth, the torment on his face, and he can’t help but feel something in his chest tighten. Even though Sephiroth has fully embraced the life and existence of a monster and done so many terrible things — ultimately, he is broken. He took the path of insanity to escape the harsh truths he confronted in Nibelheim, and looking backwards like this now, before he’d really made any steps forward…Zack has a sinking feeling it’s going to make things worse.
He stares at the other in silence for a moment, his own expression…pained. Despite his best attempts to hide it.
“Yeah, you were,” he says finally - softly. “He died before Nibelheim.”
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It's even different from experiencing the essences of the long dead in the lifestream. Their thoughts, memories, emotions flow all around but there Sephiroth is an outsider looking in. He can still distance himself from it. This? This was part of him. Something he walked away from before but he can't now.
"I don't want to talk about this. I want it gone," he says despite being the one keeps brining things up.
He almost adds something again about how he's going to go kill Jon, but talking about that won't get him anywhere either.
"I imagine you're pleased with this."
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"No. I'm not happy about it."
Even though he does believe Sephiroth needs to regain his lost memories...it shouldn't have been now. Or like this.
"Our heads are the only things we have to ourselves sometimes, so no, I'm not happy he did this to you."
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"What are you going to do now? I attacked. I would have killed him had you not intervened. I still intend to. Right now that is all I want to do."
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Zack leans back in his chair, closes his eyes, and just…tries to untangle how he feels about all this enough to really think. He has to talk to Jon about this; there is no way he can just let this go without addressing it. It’s one more headache he didn’t need, but it happened so now he has to deal with it.
He opens his eyes finally, looks at Sephiroth, and sighs.
“I know. And even though I’d have to stop you if you tried, I understand…why you’re mad. And why you want to do that.”
He thought Trevor was going to be the main problem for Sephiroth moving forward…but now he’s having to revise that assessment.
He rubs his face.
“I’m going to have to talk to Jon about this, but for right now, I think…just staying here is good. We don’t have to talk anymore about what you saw, but I can…make tea.”
His mom used to say tea helped everything, and even though he’s not sure that’s true, he doesn’t know what else to do, either. Besides just…be here and be calm so hopefully some of his calm will rub off on Sephiroth.
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As for the second part -- Sephiroth is uncertain what he really wants to do -- beyond what he already said. And clawing his own mind out. He doesn't really want to go anywhere, not even back to his own cabin. So maybe here is fine ...
"Okay," he finally says letting his own eyes close for a moment. Maybe he'll just sit here awhile.