[filling his head with garbage, what a nice way to spend his time.]
[cloud can only snort and shake his head at the mini-lecture he gets for his efforts. a different cloud might have argued this point or even done more against the status quo, but that was a different life. nowadays, cloud is a security guard with pretty terrible pay and barely managing to make ends meet.]
[he continues as he was, brushing sephiroth's hair and moving on to braiding it into a loose braid.]
And you got powers beyond those I can imagine, so why don't you do something about it?
[grappling with strands of hair, he moves his fingers deftly through. he sets it over the other's shoulder once he's done, grinning and leaning down to see if he can witness a shift in sephiroth's expression.]
Is that what you want? I suppose I could bring end to this world. That would certainly solve any issues with those on top.
[Is he serious? It is really hard to tell. He might be actively thinking about it though. Would anyone be able to stop him? At this point, Cloud certainly couldn't.
It would be so easy so ...
His thoughts shift back to the present, distracted by Cloud's actions. A quick glance down at his hair and then up at the younger man.]
I would not quit your current profession at this time.
[There MIGHT be a very, very tiny twitch to the corner of his lips. But that's all he was going to give. But it's something at least, right?]
[as most chatter that sephiroth upholds about his ability to bring the world to its knees, cloud ignores it with a rather indifferent sense. he has no reason to believe sephiroth is actually dangerous, because it's been a few years now and he's not kept any of those promises about destroying the world. the most he does is terrorize children nowadays, and even then, cloud thinks he's getting some kind enjoyment out of their attention.]
Hey, dream big.
[he'll take the words with a grain of salt, more satisfied with how pleased sephiroth looks otherwise.]
[cloud goes around and sits himself down against the arm of the couch, his feet annoyingly pressing against sephiroth's thigh. suppose they'll be watching the news. he puts cheek to the palm of his hand.]
[after a moment:] —you've been in Gaia before, right? What's your favorite place in it? [his eyes on the screen] Can't imagine you ever only stayed in Midgar exclusively.
[Oh Cloud, you have no idea just how dangerous Sephiroth can be. Just because right now the situation is different doesn't mean he couldn't slaughter an entire town of people.
He briefly considers grabbing Clouds leg and pushing him backwards off the couch, but the question is enough to give him pause.
Thinking about it while leaning back further into his seat, he only glances back to Cloud after deciding on an answer]
Nibelheim. You could say that is where my life began as it is now.
[that's enough to get cloud to sit up and look over at sephiroth, squinting in suspicion.]
Seriously? My family's from there.
[there's some... uncertainty in his statement, like it doesn't sit right with him. but it's not enough for cloud to want to traverse into what it all means. not at this point anyway. he's more interested in what sephiroth is saying.]
Is there where you became... an angel, or whatever?
[now that they're onto this topic, and sephiroth feels open to talk about himself, cloud thinks he wants to take his chances and see how much he can get out of it.]
[Eventually some of this was going to come up. Cloud would grow more curious, but what would happen if he learned the whole truth?]
It is where I learned the truth and where I died. But beyond that, it is a place where a special bond began. Memories I will always cherish and would be loath to lose.
[His glance shifts back towards Cloud after looking towards the TV for a brief moment.]
Do you ever dream you were something else than what you are now?
You're asking me that like it's supposed to mean something. Again.
[cloud adds as much with restrained exasperation in his voice.]
[he is used to sephiroth being cryptic when he speaks—and he's definitely done plenty of that. cloud drags his hand over the length of his own arm as he sits up a little better, frowning as he tries to really make some sense of what sephiroth is saying.]
...
One time I dreamed I was a lizard. [emphatically] Green and climbing walls and all that.
[Sometimes Cloud, sometimes he may enjoy your company, though he will fully admit it.
But sometimes. Sometimes strangling Cloud seems like a very good idea.
This may perhaps be one of those times.
The only warning the younger man gets is a deadpan glance before Sephiroth grabs the foot that is resting against him and simply flings Cloud backwards off the couch.
And then like nothing happened at all, he'll go back to watching the news.]
[sephiroth is very strong and intimidating, and although cloud sometimes forgets this reality, it's times like this that he is so pointedly reminded of it.]
[he falls onto the floor with an almost hilarious, choked out aughhgh sort of sound.]
[and then there's silence.]
[cloud picks himself up after a few seconds and leans into the couch, by sephiroth, and wraps his arms around the man's collar. he's a little annoyed by that, sure, but it keeps their faux relationship spicy, maybe.]
Hey, seriously? It was a joke!
[not a great one, it seems. cloud's more serious answer would have been about the fact that there are certain things that he tries not to remember, dreams he hovers between skepticism and a genuine sense of wonder when he remembers them. they're like flashes, recurring at times, and it's all too convoluted for him to remember them.]
I was gonna give you an answer proper, but I guess not anymore!
[If nothing else, he does have Cloud's full attention this time around. He gives the blonde another look and lets out a breath that could be accurately described as a sigh.]
It would be in your best interest to tell me. Dreams hold secrets and sometimes truths hidden beyond the randomness of the mind. There is perhaps something there that is important. But if you won't tell me, then I cannot help you understand.
[Or maybe it is better Cloud doesn't know. But if there's a possibility ... Well, that's a bridge they can cross when they get there.]
[and cloud throws sephiroth an odd look in return. he isn't quite as helpful or as gentle about the things that he says, except when it comes to "wanting to help cloud understand." it was strange at first, when sephiroth would hover over him, wing spread, asking him all sorts of existential questions. now? it's still strange, but there's an edge of resignation, almost like he's got to build up the patience and wait for the answer he desires.]
[cloud pulls himself away from the couch, and sephiroth, and straightens his back, going around it and over to the tv—where he switches it off with the button at the top edge of the screen. his hand lingers there, as does his gaze, before he drags it over to the wall in front of him—where bookshelves are stacked, books he hasn't really bothered to read but seemed a wise purchase at the time, years ago.]
I do have a recurring dream.
It's... [explaining dreams is so stupid. he hates when other people do it. and yet here he is, doing the same.] It's really saturated. Very green? [he turns to look at sephiroth] The color is like that of your eyes. [that eerie aquamarine glow] It's like liquid, but not? I just float in it.
[he frowns]
Do you mean those kinds of dreams?
[it's as stupid as the one about the lizard, far as he's concerned.]
[Sephiroth would be more annoyed at the TV being shut off if not for having Cloud's full focus and attention. His eyes were locked onto the blonde, watching him as he moved and spoke.
The corner of his lips curl into a small smile at the description. Ah, now that is interesting. That gives him something to work with.
And as far as Sephiroth is concerned, it is not stupid at all. Oh no, it is far very important.]
You dream of the lifestream.
[Instead of being fully cryptic about it, he'll actually explain ... a little.]
The force which connects all life on the planet. Those born come from it and those who die return.
['lifestream' is such an archaic term, but he supposed that if someone is allowed to be archaic—it would be sephiroth. the man claims to have existed for a long time, and knows things from the past in a way cloud doesn't want to think too much about.]
[but he shrugs, and turns to face sephiroth, arms crossed.]
But, alright. Let's say that is the lifestream and not me getting lost in your eyes, or something. [how nice. he's immediately aware that was a terrible joke, so just shrugs as if to say 'just ignore it.'] What would that mean? That I'm remembering a past life? Yeah right.
[Wow Cloud that is a bad joke. So much so that Sephiroth quirks a brow, though he does not feel the need to comment on it. Good to know you that you enjoy them though, he'll have to stare at you more.
Anyway.
Sephiroth stands up to approach Cloud though they were not that far of a distance to begin with. Resisting the urge to sigh at the blonde's lack of understanding, he'll just have to keep pushing. If Cloud is having dreams, he might fully remember one day.
So they might as well start down that path before it comes out in a terrible way.]
Why not? What is wrong with having lived a life before? How is it any more impossible than I, myself, standing before you?
[A small pause as though he's considering if his next words are going to be a good idea or if it's too soon ...]
If we knew each other in the past, would that make a difference?
[cloud's shoulders straighten as sephiroth approaches, but his arms are still crossed, looking up at the man.]
A difference? I dunno. It'd make for a crazy coincidence.
[he does have a point, though. reincarnation is as possible as cloud casually uttering some incantation and summoning an angel from the abyss of who-knows-where. magic is prevalent in this world, even if it's in many ways mechanical—magitek—or otherwise attempted to be created through science than to really have it bloom for a natural resource.]
[Sephiroth reaches out to place a hand on Cloud's shoulder.]
I'm saying it's possible and for you to ... accept that possibility.
[There's a brief pause, his eyes momentarily glancing to the side before returning to meet the blue of Cloud's.]
And not let any memories of the past cloud [ha] your view of today.
[If Cloud regains all his memories of the past it will change their dynamic. While there is a part that actually wants him to remember who he used to be, Sephiroth has also grown a little ... comfortable in this new life.]
[he frowns. it worries him, when sephiroth gets serious like that and alludes to the possibility of him not liking what he would come to know if he remembered his "past life" or whatever the other wants to call it. the hand on his shoulder doesn't really ground him much at all, and it just... scares him a little.]
Why can't I just not know about it?
[cloud puts a hand to sephiroth's chest, and lets his fingers curl against the fabric of his shirt, stepping forward to close the distance between them a little more.]
I like this. Weird as it is. You're talking like everything would change if I do remember.
Because it would and I have been avoiding the possibility until now.
[And that is the closest he's come to admitting that he's enjoyed this life as absurd as it sounds. For as long as he's lived and as far as he's come ...
Cloud is the only one he ever really considered a true equal and it is probably for that same reason that he found himself pulled into a sort of kinship with him. Of course the Cloud of old would no doubt protest the idea.
And after everything Sephiroth has done to him ... Would he really blame his feelings?
He stepped back towards the couch, but not before taking Cloud by the arm and dragging him there as well. If this conversation continues, they'll both need to sit down.]
[cloud refuses to take a seat, even if sephiroth is basically guiding him to sit down on the couch. he lets go of the other's shirt but remains otherwise firm on standing, his thoughts racing. because it would—change, that is. and sephiroth has been avoiding that truth all this while? at the possibilities that there's something off about who they are, together? it's not an ideal 'faux' relationship, and it was the easiest way to fix a bigger problem that he couldn't quite understand, for sephiroth didn't seem capable of leaving this plane of existence. or whatever.]
[his expression is stern, eyes clouded with emotion. he feels his heart in his throat. he unclasps his arm from the other and looks at him.]
[For the briefest of moments, Sephiroth's gaze slips away from Cloud, dropping down low to the floor. A small moment needed to gather his thoughts and perhaps sort out his own feelings ... ones he mostly denies he even carries the capacity to feel.]
This life now ... It is --
[He knows he can't avoid it forever, but why does it have to be so damn hard to find the words for now? He shakes his head to clear his thoughts.]
You will hate me. In another life, we hated each other.
[But things were different now. Even for Sephiroth they were different.]
[cloud tilts his head, his hard expression easing up a little.]
We hated each other? Yeah, I can sort of see that. You're kind of an entitled bitch.
[but that's just their usual humor seeping through, and while he speaks casually his actions take on a more guarded approach; his arms crossed, shoulders hunched over a little. if it's true that they hated each other... what does that say, about them, right now?]
[thus the quieter more sensible response to what sephiroth said:]
[Why is this so hard? Why couldn't he just lock away any sort of emotion and act like the compact ball of hate he used to be? Had all the time spent in the lifestream, had all the clashes again and again brought him to this point?
No. It was Cloud. Somehow it was always Cloud.
He shakes his head, figuring he should clarify before the blonde takes that in the wrong way.]
-- Not for a long time. You became the only reason I could manifest in the world.
[huh. if only he could keep himself from looking so relieved, having believed for a moment there that sephiroth hated his entire existence. the tension in cloud's shoulders ease, and he finally allows himself to sit down on the couch.]
I did summon you to try and cheat my university exam.
[funny how it had been just a goof, something that was very obviously a joke, and yet—there was sephiroth, scaring the living daylights out of him, a few years ago. pressing knuckles to his temple and leaning into the couch, cloud keeps a careful look on the other man.]
So you only not-hate me because otherwise you wouldn't exist. Is that it? I hope it's more than that. I'm going to feel like a real tool considering all we've done together.
[Why were normal discussions with normal feelings so difficult? Is it because he's not fully human or because he's lived far too long?]
No. I'm not talking about that. Before in your other life --
[Though Cloud did summon him that was true. Sephiroth had fallen into almost a limbo state before unwittingly being called to and that was something he had not expected.]
You killed me. But since that moment we have always had a connection ... and even later on, I was always able to return as long you still remembered who I was. My ... hate had shifted to revolve solely around you. The only person who could ever defeat me.
[He shifted on the couch to move forward, grabbing a hold of Cloud and pulling him closer so that they were more face to face.]
I hated the world so much. Wanted to destroy everything. But there is no point anymore to all of that hate. I am glad to have found you again. And if you remember everything and choose to hate me, then I will accept that fate.
[cloud cocks an eyebrow in response. him, killing sephiroth? it sounds like a tall tale. while sephiroth has taken on a more... human-like form and all that, cloud can tell there is a force to him, a strength, that pushes past just someone who 'is buff' or 'lifts everyday.' he would know. he does do those things almost on the daily, and he still can't beat sephiroth in arm wrestling.]
[but it's hard to consider everything that was and is, when sephiroth speaks so strongly about hate, how that is what pushed him forward and made him gravitate towards cloud like it was the only thing keeping him anchored.]
[it's not something he can understand right now, it feels like. i hated the world so much. i wanted to destroy everything. words that speak volumes to cloud, who moves along with however the man wishes him to move, drawn closer. i am glad— and then an almost defeated i will accept that fate.]
[cloud sits up straighter and raises a hand to press his palm against sephiroth's cheek—soft and gentle, keeping the man's gaze with his own. it takes him no effort at all to lean forward, close his eyes, and press a kiss to the other's lips. when cloud does pull back, he looks resolute.]
If I remember everything and choose to hate you, [he thumbs easily over sephiroth's jawline] we'll deal with it when that happens.
[people can change. people can get better. divine, monsters, or otherwise.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[cloud can only snort and shake his head at the mini-lecture he gets for his efforts. a different cloud might have argued this point or even done more against the status quo, but that was a different life. nowadays, cloud is a security guard with pretty terrible pay and barely managing to make ends meet.]
[he continues as he was, brushing sephiroth's hair and moving on to braiding it into a loose braid.]
And you got powers beyond those I can imagine, so why don't you do something about it?
[grappling with strands of hair, he moves his fingers deftly through. he sets it over the other's shoulder once he's done, grinning and leaning down to see if he can witness a shift in sephiroth's expression.]
What's the verdict? Getting better at it, huh.
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[Is he serious? It is really hard to tell. He might be actively thinking about it though. Would anyone be able to stop him? At this point, Cloud certainly couldn't.
It would be so easy so ...
His thoughts shift back to the present, distracted by Cloud's actions. A quick glance down at his hair and then up at the younger man.]
I would not quit your current profession at this time.
[There MIGHT be a very, very tiny twitch to the corner of his lips. But that's all he was going to give. But it's something at least, right?]
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Hey, dream big.
[he'll take the words with a grain of salt, more satisfied with how pleased sephiroth looks otherwise.]
[cloud goes around and sits himself down against the arm of the couch, his feet annoyingly pressing against sephiroth's thigh. suppose they'll be watching the news. he puts cheek to the palm of his hand.]
[after a moment:] —you've been in Gaia before, right? What's your favorite place in it? [his eyes on the screen] Can't imagine you ever only stayed in Midgar exclusively.
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He briefly considers grabbing Clouds leg and pushing him backwards off the couch, but the question is enough to give him pause.
Thinking about it while leaning back further into his seat, he only glances back to Cloud after deciding on an answer]
Nibelheim. You could say that is where my life began as it is now.
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Seriously? My family's from there.
[there's some... uncertainty in his statement, like it doesn't sit right with him. but it's not enough for cloud to want to traverse into what it all means. not at this point anyway. he's more interested in what sephiroth is saying.]
Is there where you became... an angel, or whatever?
[now that they're onto this topic, and sephiroth feels open to talk about himself, cloud thinks he wants to take his chances and see how much he can get out of it.]
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It is where I learned the truth and where I died. But beyond that, it is a place where a special bond began. Memories I will always cherish and would be loath to lose.
[His glance shifts back towards Cloud after looking towards the TV for a brief moment.]
Do you ever dream you were something else than what you are now?
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[cloud adds as much with restrained exasperation in his voice.]
[he is used to sephiroth being cryptic when he speaks—and he's definitely done plenty of that. cloud drags his hand over the length of his own arm as he sits up a little better, frowning as he tries to really make some sense of what sephiroth is saying.]
...
One time I dreamed I was a lizard. [emphatically] Green and climbing walls and all that.
[this is not what sephiroth is asking for]
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But sometimes. Sometimes strangling Cloud seems like a very good idea.
This may perhaps be one of those times.
The only warning the younger man gets is a deadpan glance before Sephiroth grabs the foot that is resting against him and simply flings Cloud backwards off the couch.
And then like nothing happened at all, he'll go back to watching the news.]
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[he falls onto the floor with an almost hilarious, choked out aughhgh sort of sound.]
[and then there's silence.]
[cloud picks himself up after a few seconds and leans into the couch, by sephiroth, and wraps his arms around the man's collar. he's a little annoyed by that, sure, but it keeps their faux relationship spicy, maybe.]
Hey, seriously? It was a joke!
[not a great one, it seems. cloud's more serious answer would have been about the fact that there are certain things that he tries not to remember, dreams he hovers between skepticism and a genuine sense of wonder when he remembers them. they're like flashes, recurring at times, and it's all too convoluted for him to remember them.]
I was gonna give you an answer proper, but I guess not anymore!
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It would be in your best interest to tell me. Dreams hold secrets and sometimes truths hidden beyond the randomness of the mind. There is perhaps something there that is important. But if you won't tell me, then I cannot help you understand.
[Or maybe it is better Cloud doesn't know. But if there's a possibility ... Well, that's a bridge they can cross when they get there.]
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[cloud pulls himself away from the couch, and sephiroth, and straightens his back, going around it and over to the tv—where he switches it off with the button at the top edge of the screen. his hand lingers there, as does his gaze, before he drags it over to the wall in front of him—where bookshelves are stacked, books he hasn't really bothered to read but seemed a wise purchase at the time, years ago.]
I do have a recurring dream.
It's... [explaining dreams is so stupid. he hates when other people do it. and yet here he is, doing the same.] It's really saturated. Very green? [he turns to look at sephiroth] The color is like that of your eyes. [that eerie aquamarine glow] It's like liquid, but not? I just float in it.
[he frowns]
Do you mean those kinds of dreams?
[it's as stupid as the one about the lizard, far as he's concerned.]
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The corner of his lips curl into a small smile at the description. Ah, now that is interesting. That gives him something to work with.
And as far as Sephiroth is concerned, it is not stupid at all. Oh no, it is far very important.]
You dream of the lifestream.
[Instead of being fully cryptic about it, he'll actually explain ... a little.]
The force which connects all life on the planet. Those born come from it and those who die return.
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That's not what people call it anymore.
['lifestream' is such an archaic term, but he supposed that if someone is allowed to be archaic—it would be sephiroth. the man claims to have existed for a long time, and knows things from the past in a way cloud doesn't want to think too much about.]
[but he shrugs, and turns to face sephiroth, arms crossed.]
But, alright. Let's say that is the lifestream and not me getting lost in your eyes, or something. [how nice. he's immediately aware that was a terrible joke, so just shrugs as if to say 'just ignore it.'] What would that mean? That I'm remembering a past life? Yeah right.
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Anyway.
Sephiroth stands up to approach Cloud though they were not that far of a distance to begin with. Resisting the urge to sigh at the blonde's lack of understanding, he'll just have to keep pushing. If Cloud is having dreams, he might fully remember one day.
So they might as well start down that path before it comes out in a terrible way.]
Why not? What is wrong with having lived a life before? How is it any more impossible than I, myself, standing before you?
[A small pause as though he's considering if his next words are going to be a good idea or if it's too soon ...]
If we knew each other in the past, would that make a difference?
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A difference? I dunno. It'd make for a crazy coincidence.
[he does have a point, though. reincarnation is as possible as cloud casually uttering some incantation and summoning an angel from the abyss of who-knows-where. magic is prevalent in this world, even if it's in many ways mechanical—magitek—or otherwise attempted to be created through science than to really have it bloom for a natural resource.]
[but it does bring forth the question...]
You're saying we knew each other before?
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I'm saying it's possible and for you to ... accept that possibility.
[There's a brief pause, his eyes momentarily glancing to the side before returning to meet the blue of Cloud's.]
And not let any memories of the past cloud [ha] your view of today.
[If Cloud regains all his memories of the past it will change their dynamic. While there is a part that actually wants him to remember who he used to be, Sephiroth has also grown a little ... comfortable in this new life.]
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Why can't I just not know about it?
[cloud puts a hand to sephiroth's chest, and lets his fingers curl against the fabric of his shirt, stepping forward to close the distance between them a little more.]
I like this. Weird as it is. You're talking like everything would change if I do remember.
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[And that is the closest he's come to admitting that he's enjoyed this life as absurd as it sounds. For as long as he's lived and as far as he's come ...
Cloud is the only one he ever really considered a true equal and it is probably for that same reason that he found himself pulled into a sort of kinship with him. Of course the Cloud of old would no doubt protest the idea.
And after everything Sephiroth has done to him ... Would he really blame his feelings?
He stepped back towards the couch, but not before taking Cloud by the arm and dragging him there as well. If this conversation continues, they'll both need to sit down.]
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[his expression is stern, eyes clouded with emotion. he feels his heart in his throat. he unclasps his arm from the other and looks at him.]
How would it change, Sephiroth?
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This life now ... It is --
[He knows he can't avoid it forever, but why does it have to be so damn hard to find the words for now? He shakes his head to clear his thoughts.]
You will hate me. In another life, we hated each other.
[But things were different now. Even for Sephiroth they were different.]
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[cloud tilts his head, his hard expression easing up a little.]
We hated each other? Yeah, I can sort of see that. You're kind of an entitled bitch.
[but that's just their usual humor seeping through, and while he speaks casually his actions take on a more guarded approach; his arms crossed, shoulders hunched over a little. if it's true that they hated each other... what does that say, about them, right now?]
[thus the quieter more sensible response to what sephiroth said:]
...do you hate me, then?
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[Why is this so hard? Why couldn't he just lock away any sort of emotion and act like the compact ball of hate he used to be? Had all the time spent in the lifestream, had all the clashes again and again brought him to this point?
No. It was Cloud. Somehow it was always Cloud.
He shakes his head, figuring he should clarify before the blonde takes that in the wrong way.]
-- Not for a long time. You became the only reason I could manifest in the world.
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[huh. if only he could keep himself from looking so relieved, having believed for a moment there that sephiroth hated his entire existence. the tension in cloud's shoulders ease, and he finally allows himself to sit down on the couch.]
I did summon you to try and cheat my university exam.
[funny how it had been just a goof, something that was very obviously a joke, and yet—there was sephiroth, scaring the living daylights out of him, a few years ago. pressing knuckles to his temple and leaning into the couch, cloud keeps a careful look on the other man.]
So you only not-hate me because otherwise you wouldn't exist. Is that it? I hope it's more than that. I'm going to feel like a real tool considering all we've done together.
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No. I'm not talking about that. Before in your other life --
[Though Cloud did summon him that was true. Sephiroth had fallen into almost a limbo state before unwittingly being called to and that was something he had not expected.]
You killed me. But since that moment we have always had a connection ... and even later on, I was always able to return as long you still remembered who I was. My ... hate had shifted to revolve solely around you. The only person who could ever defeat me.
[He shifted on the couch to move forward, grabbing a hold of Cloud and pulling him closer so that they were more face to face.]
I hated the world so much. Wanted to destroy everything. But there is no point anymore to all of that hate. I am glad to have found you again. And if you remember everything and choose to hate me, then I will accept that fate.
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[but it's hard to consider everything that was and is, when sephiroth speaks so strongly about hate, how that is what pushed him forward and made him gravitate towards cloud like it was the only thing keeping him anchored.]
[it's not something he can understand right now, it feels like. i hated the world so much. i wanted to destroy everything. words that speak volumes to cloud, who moves along with however the man wishes him to move, drawn closer. i am glad— and then an almost defeated i will accept that fate.]
[cloud sits up straighter and raises a hand to press his palm against sephiroth's cheek—soft and gentle, keeping the man's gaze with his own. it takes him no effort at all to lean forward, close his eyes, and press a kiss to the other's lips. when cloud does pull back, he looks resolute.]
If I remember everything and choose to hate you, [he thumbs easily over sephiroth's jawline] we'll deal with it when that happens.
[people can change. people can get better. divine, monsters, or otherwise.]
Alright?
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