And maybe if you could come down from your god complex for like two seconds, you’d understand why.
You told half this damn boat that I’m your possession. Not a person you care about but a thing that you own.
You were talking about me like Hojo used to talk about his samples … and you expect me to just be fine with that?
No. It’s not okay, it’s not fine, and it’s well within my rights to be mad about that. And I will tell you right now that you don’t fucking own me. I am my own damn person, and some whack job scientist screwing with my DNA doesn’t change that.
So maybe instead of criticizing my “emotional response”, you should start thinking about the shit you do. Because even though I care about you — and I mean, actually care about you, in the “I would take bullets for you” sense — that doesn’t mean I’m going to be a doormat.
And your anger doesn't change your fate in the reunion. I image you'll tell me how you'll use the powers of the deals here to take that away. But if you value anything at all, you will not touch that connection.
Had I worded it differently, the risk placed upon you would be greater. If others believed they could elicit emotional pain, those who really want to cause suffering would use it as an opportunity.
[He knows, he's threatened it towards Cloud.]
Believing they will only invoke anger or frustration lessens this while still delivering the same point.
The ‘risk placed upon’ me is greater because you opened your damn mouth.
You really think people aren’t going to fuck with me just because you say so? Or that someone you piss off isn’t going to fuck with me to fuck with you?
This isn’t our damn world, Sephiroth. You’re not the scariest boogeyman under the bed here.
And the Reunion isn’t important to me. That connection isn’t important to me. Because the only damn thing you’ve used it for is to torment Cloud. Why the hell would I think it's something good or meaningful when the only damn thing you’ve used it for is to hurt?
If I could get rid of it tomorrow, I absolutely would. Because the way you are right now? I know the second you get anything like your full powers back here, you’re going to use them to fuck with me.
And if you say you wouldn’t, you’re a liar. Because you damn well know you would.
I will absolutely kill you if you try to get rid of it, and I will go after everything you care about. Including those on this ship. Do you understand me?
It's importance to you doesn't matter. But it is important. [to him.]
And I will not let you do anything to affect that.
Regardless of your current opinion I've done little to distort your life here. I do not interfere with your activities or dealings with others. But I assure you that is subject to change with or without my powers if you do not step off that path.
[ There is silence. Then, after a few moments, he just laughs. Quietly. ]
So that's what you're afraid of. I figured there had to be something.
It's sad you think that connection is all you have -- and yet the only thing you've used it for is to be cruel.
And you know, maybe instead of threatening me and people I care about? You should give me a reason to want to keep it. To see it the way you see it instead of just a thing you're going to use to hurt me one day.
Because I've been trying for months and months to be a friend to you -- and as far as I can see, you don't seem to give a single solitary shit about that.
Did you have to make me suffer to get me to help you when you got in a fight with Trevor? Or to get me to let you stay with me after Jon pulled out that memory?
Has there been any time that you needed to hurt me to make me stay close to you?
Sephiroth. The reason the feeling goes away is because you're not actually building a lasting connection. With Cloud or anyone else.
The connection I feel to Cloud? To other people in my life? Even the feelings I still have as far as you're concerned? They don't go away. I carry them with me all the time.
And that's...what I want. Back then, when we were SOLDIERs, once I got to know you a bit, I felt like I could trust you. One hundred percent. And I think you felt the same way about me.
But when your first response to me telling you that I don't have a positive view of Reunion -- because of what you've done with that connection, by the way -- is to threaten me and people I care about? That tells me no matter how much I want to be your friend? No matter how much I want to trust you?
I can't. Because instead of listening to me about how I feel? You just say you're going to hurt me.
It takes two to build something that lasts...and right now I feel like, no matter how much I try to build on my end, you're just going to tear it down.
You are not listening either Zack. You threaten what you don't understand.
The memories that bind the fare between Cloud and I revolve around hate. Nothing will change how deep that despair goes. There will never be anything else, so I will always remind him of those moments. All the ones we share.
This friendship you keep trying to build is a lie created by this place. Beyond here we return to our fate and that includes you.
You're right about one thing. If all of this changes, it is going to be because of you. You're the one who has to decide if this cycle is just going to continue or become something different. Because the Admiral isn't going to change you. You're going to have to decide that you want something different.
And I don't know anymore if that's what I'm going to do. I used to think I could go back to that and be fine.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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So congratulations. You scared no one off and only made yourself look like a dumbass.
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And maybe if you could come down from your god complex for like two seconds, you’d understand why.
You told half this damn boat that I’m your possession. Not a person you care about but a thing that you own.
You were talking about me like Hojo used to talk about his samples … and you expect me to just be fine with that?
No. It’s not okay, it’s not fine, and it’s well within my rights to be mad about that. And I will tell you right now that you don’t fucking own me. I am my own damn person, and some whack job scientist screwing with my DNA doesn’t change that.
So maybe instead of criticizing my “emotional response”, you should start thinking about the shit you do. Because even though I care about you — and I mean, actually care about you, in the “I would take bullets for you” sense — that doesn’t mean I’m going to be a doormat.
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Had I worded it differently, the risk placed upon you would be greater. If others believed they could elicit emotional pain, those who really want to cause suffering would use it as an opportunity.
[He knows, he's threatened it towards Cloud.]
Believing they will only invoke anger or frustration lessens this while still delivering the same point.
[He's still going to call Cloud a puppet though.]
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You really think people aren’t going to fuck with me just because you say so? Or that someone you piss off isn’t going to fuck with me to fuck with you?
This isn’t our damn world, Sephiroth. You’re not the scariest boogeyman under the bed here.
And the Reunion isn’t important to me. That connection isn’t important to me. Because the only damn thing you’ve used it for is to torment Cloud. Why the hell would I think it's something good or meaningful when the only damn thing you’ve used it for is to hurt?
If I could get rid of it tomorrow, I absolutely would. Because the way you are right now? I know the second you get anything like your full powers back here, you’re going to use them to fuck with me.
And if you say you wouldn’t, you’re a liar. Because you damn well know you would.
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It's importance to you doesn't matter. But it is important. [to him.]
And I will not let you do anything to affect that.
Regardless of your current opinion I've done little to distort your life here. I do not interfere with your activities or dealings with others. But I assure you that is subject to change with or without my powers if you do not step off that path.
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So that's what you're afraid of. I figured there had to be something.
It's sad you think that connection is all you have -- and yet the only thing you've used it for is to be cruel.
And you know, maybe instead of threatening me and people I care about? You should give me a reason to want to keep it. To see it the way you see it instead of just a thing you're going to use to hurt me one day.
Because I've been trying for months and months to be a friend to you -- and as far as I can see, you don't seem to give a single solitary shit about that.
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It is through suffering that the binds between us stay strong.
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Has there been any time that you needed to hurt me to make me stay close to you?
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It is what keeps Cloud close.
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That's what hurting people does. It makes it hard for us to want to be close to you.
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Sephiroth. The reason the feeling goes away is because you're not actually building a lasting connection. With Cloud or anyone else.
The connection I feel to Cloud? To other people in my life? Even the feelings I still have as far as you're concerned? They don't go away. I carry them with me all the time.
And that's...what I want. Back then, when we were SOLDIERs, once I got to know you a bit, I felt like I could trust you. One hundred percent. And I think you felt the same way about me.
But when your first response to me telling you that I don't have a positive view of Reunion -- because of what you've done with that connection, by the way -- is to threaten me and people I care about? That tells me no matter how much I want to be your friend? No matter how much I want to trust you?
I can't. Because instead of listening to me about how I feel? You just say you're going to hurt me.
It takes two to build something that lasts...and right now I feel like, no matter how much I try to build on my end, you're just going to tear it down.
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The memories that bind the fare between Cloud and I revolve around hate. Nothing will change how deep that despair goes. There will never be anything else, so I will always remind him of those moments. All the ones we share.
This friendship you keep trying to build is a lie created by this place. Beyond here we return to our fate and that includes you.
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[ He takes a breath. ]
And that's the part you're missing. None of that has to stay the same. It can change. The Admiral gives people miracles for fuck's sakes.
I don't have to go back to my fate, and you don't have to go back to yours.
We can do something else. Anything else.
It doesn't have to be what it was.
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If fate changes it will be my doing and not because of the one who traps others here.
And you, before, implied you were at peace with yours. How does that change what I said? I want to go back and you will return to being a memory.
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You're right about one thing. If all of this changes, it is going to be because of you. You're the one who has to decide if this cycle is just going to continue or become something different. Because the Admiral isn't going to change you. You're going to have to decide that you want something different.
And I don't know anymore if that's what I'm going to do. I used to think I could go back to that and be fine.
But now...I don't think I would.
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I guess we will.